---------------------------------------------------------------------- Addendum Textfiles / 3.3 / Monday the 26th of May 2003 ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Depression, by Steak ¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯ The thing about depression that makes it so appealing to each and everyone of us is that it's a problem. We are by nature, a problem solving species, When we come across a problem; like being hungry then we worry about it until the problem is solved, in this case we get something to eat. We become happy, the problem no longer exists and we get on with finding the next problem to solve, like which brand of indigestion tablets to take. When we come across a problem with no easy answer or no answer at all, like the origins of the universe, then we worry about it for a long time and we never solve the problem. This annoys us, but we know the problem is unsolvable, so most of the time it doesn't bother us. When we come across a problem with an easy solution that hurts us, like having to pay the gas bill, then we either face the music and solve the problem (by paying it) or avoid it and worry about it because the problem is still a problem. Sadness sets in when we come across a problem that is unsolvable AND hurts us. That same nagging is there, seemingly forbidding us to forget the problem (the same as, 'oh shit, I haven’t paid the gas bill, the collection agency men are going to come round any minute') but at the same time the problem remains unsolvable. The only thing to do in such cases as this is to try and attain that same knowledge that the problem is unsolvable and hence time should not be wasted trying to figure it out, it should just be one of those things that we should accept and move on with. Depression sets in when our ability to do this is hindered by the pain we feel and the links that we feel are still tired to the problem. Making it even more difficult to ignore. Again, the only thing to do in a situation like this is to try to realise that the situation is unsolvable and hence should not be worried about, try to realise that you need to let go of the depression. It's just a little bit harder. Depression is very hard to let go of because once it's taken its roots it doesn't let go without a fight; this is because in the short term depression feels beneficial. It's easier to be depressed, which feels good in the short term, than to try and pull yourself out of it, which sucks at first but is better for you in the long run. It's like a blanket, you can wrap yourself up in it, it can make you feel secure, if only for a little time. But like the el-cheapo brand of coffee with the disgusting after taste, too much of it can really give you the shits. At the start it feels nice, almost nostalgic to wrap yourself up in your warm depression blanket and remember things that happened or worry about things that are going to happen. But before you know it, it’ll have its hold over you again, and it turns from being a nice warm blanket into an old sackcloth. And that sucks. So you need to force yourself away from your blanket, it can take surprisingly little time to decide not to let yourself go back. One moment you can be feeling like absolute shit, combined with the feeling that your never going to get out of this, the next you can be feeling on top of the world, absolutely sure that you'll never let yourself fall for it's old tricks again. But the blankets tricks are getting better and better, your fighting yourself here and who in the world knows you better than your own mind? Every time you think of a new strategy for dealing with the problem your mind already knows what it is and is working on a way of defeating it. Like disguising your blanket as 'thinking of the good old times' or something like that, so you'll wrap yourself up again thinking that it’s ok, just for a little while and before you know it you’ll be back in the blanket. If this happens, then once your back inside the blanket you may get a feeling of deja-vu like you have been there before and that your stuck in the same never ending cycle of sadness. This is because it is true, you ARE stuck here again, you ARE repeating the same cycle, you need to grab a hold of that feeling of repetitiveness and prosper it, you have to let it develop and grow into a rebellion against the sadness. If you don’t, you will continue to play out the same thing over and over again until you break the cycle. You can only do that by eliminating the source of the problem (solving the problem) or moving on from the problem and rejoicing, as it becomes a non-issue. In the end you are constantly being bombarded by chances to leave the blanket, to solve the problem, to break the cycle. But it has to be YOU who take’s the first steps, YOU who puts in the hard work or else it will never get done and you will continue to re-live the same bullshit every day, over and over again for the rest of your life. And believe me; that will REALLY suck. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- What you just read was copyright the respective author who should appear at the top of the page. Addendum just passes the file on to you: the reader. Should you wish to copy this file and give it to anyone else your more than welcome but please leave the file exactly how it is now. Thankyou. ----------------------------------------------------------------------