___ ___ ___ ____ __ _____ __ ____ __ / __\ /__ \ /__ \ / __// | / /__ \ / / / / |/ | / /_/ // \ \// \ \/ /_ / /||/ // \ \/ / / / /| /| | / __ // / // / / __// / | // / / / / / / |/ | | / / / //___/ //___/ / /__/ / / //___/ / /__/ / / | | /_/ /_/______/______/____/_/ /_/______/\_____/_/ TEXTFILES ---------------------------------------------------------------------- 3.5 / #91 / Monday the 2nd of June 2003 / http://www.adden.tr.cx ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Cleaner, by Steak ¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯ It was a pretty ordinary day for Mrs Jones. She had woken up, kissed her husband goodbye for work, gotten up, fed the cat, put the garbage out, watched wheel of fortune and was now enjoying her mid-morning coffee and rest. Only today was destined to be slightly different from the other days, today there was going to be a knock at the door. Said knock, the subsequent visitor and the obvious interruption will all happen around about now. The doorbell rang. Mrs Jones got up from her chair to go and find out who it was that was disturbing her from her much needed rest pausing only briefly to check her reflection in the hallway mirror as she passed. She swung the door open to reveal a handsome man she had never met before with a large bag. "Good morning" the man said, smile permanently implanted onto his face. "I wonder if could persuade you to spare a moment of your time for me to demonstrate to you the wondrous and innovative features that this, the Elelctovux Model TI8550-XE has to offer you, the casual home owner?" Now Mr Jones would never have won any beauty pageants, in fact it was quite easy to say that it looked as if he had in fact been smacked up and down the local high street with the ugly stick. This was seventy percent of the reason why Mrs Jones let the young, handsome, attractive vacuum cleaner salesman into her home to demonstrate the wonders of the Model TI8550-XE The young man made his way into the front room and opened his bag revealing the true configuration of the illustrious hoover. "Now this is a very popular model, all the professional house cleaners are going for this one. It has what we like to call our ‘everything out or us’ refund deal, whereby we will refund the entire price of the vacuome cleaner should it not manage to live up to it’s reputation and remove every single one of those odd house hold stains. This is a future proof investment, it’s exactly what you need and without further ado I will demonstrate the awesome power that this vacuum cleanser possesses" The young man looked down and commented on the lovely carpet Mrs Jones had. It was true, it was a lovely carpet that Mrs Jones had. Her husband had picked it out himself from a catalogue of expensive Persian carpets. According to the catalogue it was worth a mint and she had been taking extra special care not to ever spill anything on it that could possibly cause a stain. She told all this to the salesman and he nodded and agreed, telling her that he had ‘one just like it’ and that ‘he took exactly the same amount of care with his’ He then reached into his bag and grabbed out a collection of small little pots with different coloured substances inside. He picked out one in particular with the Phrase ‘Red Wine’ written on it in black texter. "Now I’m pretty sure that you wouldn’t want any red wine spilled on your carpet now would you Mrs Jones?" "Of course I wouldn’t!" She gasped "Well OHHHH NOOOO!" he mock-screamed as he poured some of the sample on to her Persian rug "My god! What are you doing?!!" yelled Mrs Jones "Never fear!" he said in a reassuring voice "the electrovux TI8550-XE will take care of it and restore this carpet to its ultimate former glory, if you think red wine’s a tuff stain to get out at the moment, just wait till you get this vacuum cleaner, never again will it bother you." Still smiling "Milk, Blood, Oil and Paint, never again will they be a problem" he said, pouring a small, but still devastating sample of each onto the expensive carpet. "And now Mrs Jones, the time you have been waiting for is finally at hand, you are about to witness the miracle that is this machine, you are about to see, first hand the power that this collection of plastic and metal parts has, prepare, Mrs Jones to be amazed" The man walked over to the power point and plugged the cleaner in, as he did so his smile lit up even more (if that was at all possible) like the power cord was connected to his facial mussels instead of the cleaner. He hit the power button on the thing and grabbed the carpet attachment like a man grabs a hidden assault rifle after being chased down unarmed for the last ten miles by angry Israeli terrorists. The vacuum cleaner burst into life and started sucking in through the attachment on the end. Checking to see if the suction was up to full power he started to attack the stains, tackling the red one first. He gave the small patch a few passes, then a few passes more, then a few passes more, then again, only a little harder, then he really started rubbing it "Just loosening it up" he said nervously, his smile quickly disappearing, it’s original existence but a distant memory He kept sweeping over the same spot on the expensive carpet, keeping on failing over and over again. He moved onto the next stain but had almost exactly the same amount of luck there as with the wine. He tried the next one, and the next, but all to no avail. The man looked at Mrs Jones, who was too horrified to speak, preferring instead to let the deathly grim look on her face do the talking. "erm" he started, But noticing Mrs Jones’ look he decided to say nothing and instead quietly turn the cleaner off, look shiftily from side to side and then run out of the front door, leaving Mrs Jones to admire the colourful additions to her expensive rug. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- What you just read was copyright the respective author who should appear at the top of the page. Addendum just passes the file on to you: the reader. Should you wish to copy this file and give it to anyone else your more than welcome but please leave the file exactly how it is now. Thankyou. ----------------------------------------------------------------------