ΪΔΔΔΏ ΪΔΔΔΏ ΪΔΔΔΔΔΔΏ ΪΩ ΐΏ ³ ΐΔΔΔΔΔΔ ³ ³ ΐΔΏ ³ ΐΔΔΔΔΏ ³ ΐΏ ΓΔΔΔΔΏ ΐΔΏ ³ ³ ³ ΐΔΔ ΐΏ ³ ³ ³ ΪΩ ³ ΪΔΩ ³ ΔΔΏ ΪΔΔΩ ΐΔΔΔΔΔΔΩ ³ ΐΔΔΔΔΔΔΔΔΩ Damned Fucking Shit Edited by Access Denied Issue #8 Title: My Cordless Fone Date: 10/26/93 By: Access Denied ――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――― My Cordless Fone Ok. I hate my cordless fone. I HATE IT. HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE. Ok. Now you probably want to know why I hate it. Too bad. This issue of DFS is over. WHAT A FUCKING WASTE OF A DOWNLOAD YOU STUPID FOOL! Oh... never mind... sorry, wrong issue. Anyway... on with the 'zine.... Ok. "WHY DO YOU HATE YOUR CORDLESS TELEFONE ACCESS DENIED?!?" you probably just asked. Ok.. I'll tell you. IT SUCKS! That's why! HAHAHA. Ok ok... to the point you are saying.... ok... Ok. Anyway... Ok. ARGH. Ok. Let's start over. I have a... well, I should say my family has a cordless fone. And it's a piece of CRAP. First of all, the batteries only last like two hours. And people forget to hang it up and the batteries just DIE. And of course people find the most wonderful hiding places for it (like under the couch) so you can't even find the damn thing when someone calls. ARGH again!!!!!!! But that's nothing. Oh, of course it gets all messed up when the batteries are low, but that's nothing compared to this: Ok. Whenever the neighbors across the alley use their fone, I get to hear something like "WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE SCRONCH RRRRRRRWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE WONK WONK WONK WONK REEEEEEEEEEEEEE REEEEEEEEEEE WONK WONK WONK WONK" etc. This goes on until they hang up. This is the interference they are causing. As it happens, only OUR fone picks it up. They don't pick up ours. ARGH. So I'll be talking with, say Incarnate, and we get to hear the conversation of these two GIMPS in the background, but it's all messed up so it sounds like they're in total excruciating pain (boy, I wish!). I HATE IT! And sometimes if you're lucky, you'll get disconnected too. But there is some good to this... Ok. The good thing is this. If I unplug the part you hang up the fone on from the wall, the fone will pick up what these idiots are saying perfectly. And they can't hear a thing I'm saying either. Very nice. I love hearing about how much sex they've had in the last few weeks and their credit card numbers etc. It's loads of fun. Ok. So that's everything about my cordless fone. Aren't you glad you know all about me and my wonderful fone now? Didn't think so. Well bite me or something. And READ DFS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now go away kid, ya bother me. OH WAIT! Don't leave! I have something important to say. Ok. I'm taking a chance in this. So what. If you want to submit to DFS and you don't have the privalage of being on Paradise Lost, I have made it real easy for you. Call up the board and log on as DFS. The password is JINGLE JINGLE. Upload your submition. If it appears in DFS, you've made it. You'll be real cool. Not. So do that if you want to submit to DFS. There! ΙΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝ» Ί Distribution Sites: Ί Ί If you're on the BBSs you know it. Ί Ί Fuck you if you're not. Ί Ί And to submit to DFS, call Paradise Lost and log Ί Ί on as DFS. The password is JINGLE JINGLE. Ί Ί Just upload it there. Ί ΘΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΝΌ ^Z