D_BBS,Milwaukee_WI,Adam_Summers,1-414-259-9629,9600,CM,XA,VFC,V34,V32b,V42b,UFAX ,25,Outlaws_BBS,Fond_du_Lac_WI,Lloyd_Luecke,1-414-929-0287,9600,CM,XX,V32b,V42b ,30,Adrenaline,West_Allis_WI,Tim_Russell,1-414-453-7813,9600,CM,XA,V32b,V42b ,64,TriCon_Networks,South_Milwaukee_WI,Kirk_A._Kintop,1-414-571-8881,9600,CM,XA,V32b,V42b ,69,Starcom,Milwaukee_WI,Rick_Gardner,1-414-445-6969,9600,CM,XC,H14,V32,V42b ,123,M.A.I.N._II_BBS,Milwaukee_WI,Chris_Mielke,1-414-672-3881,9600,CM,XA,VFC,V34,V32b,V42b ,169,Pirate's_Cove,Oostburg_WI,Christiaan_Jacobs,1-414-564-2694,9600,CM,XA,V32b,V42b ,171,StarFleet_Funny_Farm,Milwaukee_WI,Brian_Oswald,1-414-355-9154,9600,CM,V32b,V42b ,234,Digital_Source,Shorewood_WI,Dave_Jones,1-414-962-7004,9600,CM,XA,V32b,V42b ,387,Live_Wire,Delafield_WI,Steve_Totzke,1-414-646-8172,9600,CM,XA,V32b,V42b ,414,Radio_Free,Milwaukee_WI,Pete_Porro,1-414-352-6176,9600,CM,XP,V32b,V42b ,423,The_Forbidden_Zone,Milwaukee_WI,Russ_DuQuaine,1-414-461-9702,9600,CM,XA,V32b,V42b ,444,Good_News,Milwaukee_W ÚÄÄÄ¿ ÚÄÄÄ¿ ÚÄÄÄÄÄÄ¿ ÚÙ À¿ ³ ÀÄÄÄÄÄÄ ³ ³ ÀÄ¿ ³ ÀÄÄÄÄ¿ ³ À¿ ÃÄÄÄÄ¿ ÀÄ¿ ³ ³ ³ ÀÄÄ À¿ ³ ³ ³ ÚÙ ³ ÚÄÙ ³ ÄÄ¿ ÚÄÄÙ ÀÄÄÄÄÄÄÙ ³ ÀÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÙ Damned Fucking Shit Edited by Access Denied Issue #21 Title: A Few Theories Date: 1/15/94 By: Wonko The Sane ¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯ A Few Theories Well, here's a few theories about life, the universe, and everything, but not pertaining to any one of those in particular. These are the things I decide to realize when I'm so bored that I've called every board in my dialing dir, twice, and have resigned myself to sitting in bed trying, unsuccessfully, to scrape off flaws in the paint of the walls of my room. Theorem #1, the Pocket Change theorem. I have yet to calculate the actual probability ratio, but, I CAN give you an example of what I'm talking about here. Say that you have, in your pocket, 2 Quarters, 4 Nickels, 5 Dimes, and about 4.5 billion pennies. You walk up to the counter at your favorite place to eat lunch, and the total comes out to $5.06. [Here's where the theorem comes in] Inevitably, you will extract from your pocket at least 1 Quarter, 3 Dimes, and 2.23 Nickels before you pluck out the penny you need to pay in exact change. Theorem #2, the Soda Machine theorem. Have you ever noticed those people in the halls swearing and grumbling at soda machines because they refuse to take their dollars, maybe you are one of these people. You spend hours straightening out that dollar bill so that the machine will suck it right up only to get it spat back out at you at least 12 times before you go ask someone for change. Here's a news flash: Whether or not a soda machine takes your dollar has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with what condition the dollar is in. What it DOES have to do with is how your present yourself to the machine, and your general manner in approaching the beast. Your dollar will most definitely be spat back out at you if you run up to the machine, with a frown on your face and quickly try to slip it in. Your dollar most definitely WILL be accepted if you present yourself in a friendly, open manner. Try not to make any quick moves, and wear a smile, it'll take it ever time. I've been testing this one for about 3 months now, haven't been rejected yet. Theorem #3, the Time theorem. This is the most complex, and most interesting of my theorems, it also happens to be the hardest to understand. Say, for example, that you'r arrives. Fire fire I close my eyes. And die. I Shall Kill ------------ I shall kill, oh yes I will. That's correct, I'll kill kill kill. Murder sounds good to me. I'll push my victim from a tree. I Eat French Fries ------------------ I eat french fries when I sleep. I worship the god-like sheep. If my god named Otto dies, I'll go eat some more french fries! The heathen god I bow down to, Is worthy of a great big show. Getting high is really fun, Then I like to take a run. I will eat spleen of lamb, And garnish it with leg of Spam. Lying In The Courtyard ---------------------- Lying in the courtyard there I watch the snow fall down Covering the filth Of all the world I look up Happy Dead. You Suck -------- It must suck to be you. I really hate you. I hope you fall through The ice and die, you Idiot. Separated --------- As I stand here wathing the clouds go by In the sky I see a drop of rain fall down To the ground. I feel the wind in the air Through my hair. I wish you were here Though you're near. But the deep, dark, cold ground Separates us. Find DFS On These Fine Systems ========================================================= | Paradise Lost - +1.414.476.3181 | | Ti - (Private) | | Realms of Decadence - +1.216.671.0078,,t66 | | Plan 9 Information Archives - +1.716.881.FONE (3663) | | | | AE - Plan 9 Information Archives - Login: DFS | | FTP - etext.archive.umich.edu - pub/Zines/DFS | | | | To submit, call Paradise Lost and log on as DFS. The | | password is JINGLE JINGLE. | ========================================================= ^Z