DDDDD FFFFFFFFF SSSSSS D D FF S D D FFFFF S D D FF SSSSSS D D FF S DDDDD FFFF SSSSSSS (ASCii By AD!) Damned Fucking Shit Issue #27 Title: On iCE Two - The Return Date: 6/7/94 By: Dementia Praecox ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ On iCE Two - The Return by Dementia Praecox ... The rumble of the engine. The `hiss' of the air brakes. Midday traffic. Yep, I really fucking love being a bus driver. Or, I did. The last few weeks have been a jumble of good days, and days not worth a fucking shit. The shit part was, I lost my last job, ice cream truck driver. Because of a fucking dent! At least they didn't ever realize that the dent is in the shape of a young boy's head. Oh, I see the posters, "Missing since... ". No, not missing. I know right were all those little fucks are currently residing. Six feet under my backyard. At least I quickly found another job, though. Bus driver. I did like it for awhile. But now I'm starting to fucking despise all the assholes on the route. "Let me off at 64th street!" "Slow down!" "It's too hot!" "Stop here!" Shut the FUCK UP! Jesus Christ! Isn't there any way to get a job where you get some respect? A little common fucking courtesy?!? I just can't take this shit anymore. Today, I decided to have some fun. I brought the shotgun. It's leaning against my seat, on the far side, where no one can see it. Yet. The first passengers to get on seem like they're okay, which is a major fucking surprise. Then the bus starts moving, and a little later, the demands start. A man approaches the front of the bus, and asks me to stop at the next street. Bullshit. "Sit down, we're going for a ride." "But..." the son of a bitch stammers. The shotgun virtually jumps into my hand. The stock presses against my shoulder, and I feel the cold touch of the trigger on the back of my finger. I swivel around, and point the barrel at his chest. "Sit the FUCK down!" I scream at the man, my face contorting in my rage. The man just stands there, his mouth hanging open in amazement. He glances from me, to the gun, to himself, then back again. Seeing that he's not moving, I encourage him by pulling back on the trigger. A dull roar echoes from the gun. A rather large hole appears in his chest area. His insides appear all over the wall behind him, and also on an old lady sitting behind him. The man falls over onto the floor, clutching his chest, the look of amazement still on his face as he dies. And then the screams begin from the other passengers. If there's one thing I fucking hate, it's screaming. "Shut up!" I yell. The noise doesn't stop, but something else has already captures my attention. It's the old woman in the second row, covered with blood and digestive tract. For the last few seconds, she had just been sitting, and staring in horror at the "atrocities" occurring in front of her. The bitch hardly fucking moved. Finally, she began inhaling once again. But then, she stopped suddenly. She began to clutch at her chest frantically. "Holy Shit!" I thought, "She's having a heart attack!". This struck me as funny, and I began laughing. Slowly at first, then it came pouring out. I was laughing harder and harder. She looked at me in horror, then sank to the floor. Her struggles finally ceased. The laughter kept going for awhile, then slowly wound down. Fuck, I haven't felt this good since that day in the ice cream truck! I turned back to the road, and messed with the controls to make sure that no one could leave through the back door of the bus. They had to come up front to leave. But, I don't think any of them were too goddamned eager to do that. They were all huddling in the back, practically shitting in their fucking pants. Those were a few scared motherfuckers. I squinted through the windshield, and saw that there were some people waiting to get on the bus at the next bus stop. Wouldn't these bastards be in for a surprise?! As I drew closer to the bus stop, I didn't slow down. Seeing this, the people at the bus stop began to wave and yell for me to stop and get them. Fucking assholes. Little did they know that, although I was going to get them, I wasn't going to stop. I was getting closer and closer to the stop. By now, they were pissed off. They were yelling things at me, and giving me the finger. I turned the wheel of the bus a little toward the right. THUD! The bus jumped the curb. From the sidewalk, the screams began. Too bad, stupid fucks. Some of them tried to run. Some of them just stood, frozen in place in their terror. The ones trying to run got as far as one step, but they were far too late. About three tons of machine crashed into about nine hundred pounds worth of people. There was first a loud "SMACK!", as the people hit the front of the bus like flies hitting the windshield of a car. The, there was a sickening "CRUNCH!", as their bones were crushed under the spinning tires of death. I fought with the fucking wheel to keep control as I removed the breath of life from all of the people at once. Once I passed by them, I slowed to a stop. Looking back, I saw nothing moving. Taught those fuckheads a lesson. Hmm.. What now? Well, I was in the mood for a little more fucking destruction. I picked up the shotgun and walked back to where the five or six surviving original passengers were cowering in fear. "Get the fuck up, you pieces of shit!" I yelled. I made them stand up, and then escorted them (with the assistance of the shotgun) to the back of the bus. They got to stand in what was left of the people who had formerly been waiting for the bus. Lucky them! Once they were lined up, I started shooting. A total of five shots rang out, one shot in the legs for each of the assholes. Just so they couldn't go anywhere. They screamed in agony and fell to the ground as the small pieces of metal found their marks, and robbed them of the ability to walk. I went back to the bus and hopped in, whistling a cheery toon as I went. The empty shotgun clattered to the floor as I released it from my grip. Easing into the seat, I started up the bus, and then shifted into "Reverse". There was a "THUD!", as I slammed the gas pedal down to the floor. The last of the fuckers died as the bus crushed them like bugs. Some of them had been trying to crawl away. Idiots. "Today was a fairly decent day...". I thought to myself. I now feel much better about my job, having taught a lesson to a few lousy pieces of shit. I have... a more positive outlook on life. I managed to scrape all of them up off the pavement, and then loaded them up into the bus. Finally, I was headed for home. Shit, the bus would need one hell of a fucking scrub down tonight.. 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