=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= = F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K. = =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= The Talking Cure ---------------- I've done it again. Blood is so warm and vibrant, and long sleeves are in fashion. I made the phone call, but I'm not into it. Personally, blabbing about my inner hell to a paid stranger feels like a failure. Teenage angst has evolved into adult illness, but who am I to complain? There are thousands out there like me, thousands who write poetry about their writhing souls and the emptiness therein. I guess you think things change. You kind of go along in a happy daze until you realize that your personal demons have been whispering to you, cutting through the daze like a dull knife. Suddenly, you notice that they have been cutting at you for months, and that they have already won. I acquiesced. It is easier that way. You see, everyone has demons. You have them. Your parents have them. Your partner has them. But the demons wear different costumes for different people and some have more demons than others. So I'm off to see the Wizard of Id, Ego, and SuperEgo. I doubt he'll work any magic for me. You see, I don't trust anyone anymore. I have learned that the only way others can endure the gaggle of imps that follow me is to disguise them as angels, or something even more frightening than angels. Then they will run away. But I have learned that I can never be me again. I learned this lesson a final time about 3 months ago, and there is no turning back. To be raw, exposed, emotionally naked - these are things I can no longer enjoy because I arouse fear in others. It is time for my mask, and my wall, to return. Suddenly I will transform into The Picture of Normality, and only I will know who I truly am. You see, that's what The Talking Cure is for. It doesn't matter that I know what he is going to say. They use a fierce and honest logic that I know better than my own, but somehow the predictability gets you back in the Habit of Being Emotionally Well. I guess life is merely the process of answering your own questions, and the Wizard can help you pretend that your questions are normal. They like to talk about spectrums of normality, and they paste you onto the spectrum somewhere in the normal range just so you can feel guilty about seeking help when the Abnormal need it much more than you do. They smile quietly and tell you that you are ok, and that all you have to do is put things into perspective. They direct your sessions and make notes on yellow pads, and you can see your life outlined neatly between the cage of those thin blue lines. They write numbers on your insurance claims, and, if you look them up in the Big Blue Book, you will see your problems explained in thinly disguised clinical terms. Borderline Personality Disorder. Clinical Depression. Bipolar Disorder. They ask questions incessantly. Biting questions, the kind that make you buy tissues before your next session. And then you write them a big check, and you have to smile knowing that you are essentially paying someone to be your best friend. Yet all of this is worth it, somehow. It is easier to label yourself with Mental Illness, because then you can hide behind it forever. My friends think I am crazy. I know I am. Palpable Obscure. =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= = Questions, Comments, Bitches, Ideas, Rants, Death Threats, Submissions = = Mail: jericho@dimensional.com (Mail is welcomed) = =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= = To receive new issues through mail, mail jericho@dimensional.com with = = "subscribe fuck". If you do not have FTP access and would like back = = issues, send a list of any missing issues and they will be mailed. = =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= = Files through AnonFTP FTP.DIMENSIONAL.COM/users/jericho/FUCK = = FTP.SEKURITY.ORG/pub/zines/fucked.up.college.kids = = FTP.PRISM.NET/pub/users/mercuri/zines/fuck = = FTP.WINTERNET.COM/users/craigb/fuck = = FTP.GIGA.OR.AT/pub/hackers/zines/FUCK = = ETEXT.ARCHIVE.UMICH.EDU/pub/Zines/FUCK = = Files through WWW: http://www.dimensional.com/~jericho = = http://www.prism.net/zineworld/fuck/ = =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= = (c) Copyright. All files copyright by the original author. = =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=