=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= = F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K. = =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Happy Holidays from the Sheep! ------------------------------ If you know me (and pray you're not accounted for here), you know I don't like holidays. Although there isn't one in sight at this writing, I started thinking that it's actually the card-giving holidays that disturb me the most. Any friggin' significant numerical smear on the calendar that forces me out to the potpourri-smelling Halmark store in order to purchase a greeting card of any kind has my ire. Just the premise alone of having to take my weary ass (take my word for it, it's weary-looking) out to buy the card is an out-right act of baa-baaa sheepishness to begin with. That act alone demonstrates to me that I too have caved into the notion that going through certain holidays without passing off a card will make me less acceptable than an HIV-positive Republican candidate in the Ozark voting district. Blame the card companies, blame the stores, blame Madison Ave, blame the CIA if you're already doing it for everything anyway, but about half of these holidays are NOT card worthy. "Happy Arbor Day, You Big Tree Hugging Druid!" Sheesh.. Next in line is the message in these cards. I would just as soon have a premonition of my own painful death by rectal cancer than to even PRETEND to read one of those poem-cards with a hand-holding couple walking on a beach at sunset. No matter how heart-felt the gesture, no matter no rich the sentiment when the card was picked out, I just can't realistically enjoy words from a stranger. It's not even that I fly into a rage, or something so callously melodramatic. I just know they can see my eyes water and begin to cross when I read these cards, the same they would if you made me read a 1040 instruction booklet. Again, don't get me wrong, I enjoy the thought, but even Pol Pot didn't make his people read greeting cards - he just shot them outright with some sense of mercy. What's worse is the absolute tizzy you get into in the card isle. Bless the Norse gods if you're luck enough to find a commercial greeting card store, but how many times have you ended up in the one at the supermarket? AHHHHHH! Boy, these suck! It's doesn't help that your selection amounts to an entire year's worth of greeting cards in a space only as wide as the front of a VW. Oh, no they've got to COMPLETELY suck to add insult to injury. You go to find a decent B-day card, and all that's left is the one that the other delinquents and late-comers overlooked that has some demonic clown wishing a 3 year-old a "HAP-HAP-HAPPY Jewish Amputee B-Day Party!" Yup, and rather than looking insensitive or inconsiderate, you're forced to buy this for your fiancee's uncle's big 5-0. Yeah, I'm sure he'd much rather have had you take a big ol' crap on a piece of card-stock, fold it together, and give him some demented fecal-Rorschach test. At least people respect home-made card ("Oh! You shat the card yourself! Well it's VERY pretty!") Take my advice here: The best default greeting card to buy? The "Sympathy on the Loss of you Pet" card. Why? One, it's always in stock. Two, it says nothing about events in particular - A plus since none of them say anything particularly significant anyway. Three, and most importantly, if it just so happens their pet just happened to die around the holidays, you're already covered. -capone =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= = Questions, Comments, Bitches, Ideas, Rants, Death Threats, Submissions = = Mail: jericho@dimensional.com (Mail is welcomed) = =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= = To receive new issues through mail, mail jericho@dimensional.com with = = "subscribe fuck". If you do not have FTP access and would like back = = issues, send a list of any missing issues and they will be mailed. = =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= = AnonFTP FTP.DIMENSIONAL.COM/users/jericho/FUCK = = FTP.SEKURITY.ORG/pub/zines/fucked.up.college.kids = = FTP.GIGA.OR.AT/pub/hackers/zines/FUCK = = FTP.ETEXT.ORG/pub/Zines/FUCK = = WWW http://www.dimensional.com/~jericho = = http://www.reps.net/~krypt/fuck.html = = http://www.interlog.com/~lisa/f.u.c.k = =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= = (c) Copyright. All files copyright by the original author. = =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=