Phrack #36













                                ==Diet Phrack==

                 Volume Three, Issue Thirty-Six, File 1 of 11

                               Issue XXXVI Index

                               P H R A C K   3 6

                               December 31, 1991

                   "You've Got The Right One Baby, UH HUH!"

     Happy New Year Everyone!  HoHoCon'91 is behind us and with the end of the
year is the end of the third volume of Phrack.  This special issue is called
Diet Phrack because of the whole Phrack vs. Phrack Classic crisis (which is
probably more KL's doing than anyone elses) that went on during the middle of
volume three.

     Diet Phrack was conceived in August 1991 during PartyCon when Dispater,
Knight Lightning, and several other friends gathered to party and bitch about
where Phrack was and wasn't going.  Eventually this led to the new Phrack staff
that began with Phrack 33.

     Diet Phrack is also the long-awaited sequel to Phrack 13 (which some
consider the most worthless issue ever, but its probably because they weren't a
part of Phrack's main circle of friends and didn't understand all the private


                                "Phrack sucks!"

     Well that was certainly a common remark at HoHoCon and considering that
the majority of the attendees were local Houston losers expecting us to print
codes and passwords for them, we weren't really surprised.

     Do you think Phrack sucks?  You probably aren't reading this if you do,
but seriously, if you really think it sucks you can fuck off.  You are welcome
to go start your own magazine with the latest scans of c0dEz and VMBs (that
will sure be useful after about a week).  That is not what we are about.

     Why don't you try writing something yourself instead of copying useless
material directly out of the Bellcore Catalog?  Why don't you actually do
something like hack instead of expecting others to do it for you?!?

     When Dispater stood up at HoHoCon and asked the crowd what kind of systems
they hacked and what they were interested in learning about, the 70 people
sitting there just looked around like a bunch of grazing cows (no pun or
offense intended to our friends in -cDc-, oooM!)

     It's pretty obvious to us that the people who complain most about Phrack
don't even bother to read it.  At least they would know the correct spelling of
our names.

     Phrack is about technology, how to create it, how to use it, and the
implications that always arise from it.  Phrack is not designed to do the
hacking for you.  For some, Phrack is a hacker "primer."  Generally we expect
that the reader already has a reasonable level of intelligence to begin with.
In Houston that maybe that was to great an expectation.


     The Phrack Staff would like to thank the people in Cult of the Dead Cow,
the people at WorldView that took the time to chat, the one guy from Digital
Murder (who's name esacpes me at the moment) and NCC for being some of the
coolest people we met while at the conference.  Thanks to NIA Magazine, CUD,
and everyone else that promoted it.  Furthermore, a very special thanks goes to
Drunkfux of dFx International.  If not for him, HoHoCon'91 would not have
happened!!  Additionally this would mean that hordes of people drugged up on
Marshmellow Hex sitting in a hallway with a laptop would not have created
Cyberwaste; and, Demon Seed would not be alive.  Check out cDc #200 for
details!  Thanks to Erik Bloodaxe for providing the flicks that some could not
stomach (after too much beer & assorted beverages)!  So thanks again Drunkfux.
Nelson is my favorite. (!)

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


     The distribution of Phrack is now being performed by the software called
Listserv.  All individuals on the Phrack Mailing List prior to your receipt of
this letter have been deleted from the list.

If you would like to re-subscribe to Phrack Inc. please follow these

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- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

    Now we are off to the Cybernetic Realm of Cyberwaste.  If you are upset
about what is said about you in this issue.  DEAL WITH IT!  Maybe you should
get a sense of humor and then write a file about us.  Until next time it's
off to cyberspace and as Don Ingraham (luzer) would say, "off to rape campus
co-eds! (was that a good sound bite or WHAT, Geraldo?!?!?)!."

              You've had Phrack Classic, NOW try new Diet Phrack!
                  "Just for the Phun of it...Diet Phrack!!"

                                  Your Editors

   Compaq Disk (Crimson Death)         &         Dr. Dude (Dispater)


                        Phrack XXXVI Table of Contents

 1.  Introduction to Diet Phrack (Phrack 36) by Compaq Disk and Dr. Dude
 2.  Diet Phrack Loopback by Phrack Staff
 3.  In Living Computer starring Knight Lightning
 4.  The History ah MOD by Wing Ding
 5.  *ELITE* Access by Dead Lord and Lord Digital (Lords Anonymous!)
 6.  The Legion of Doom & The Occult by Legion of Doom and Demon Seed Elite
 7.  Searching for speciAl acceSs agentS by Dr. Dude
 8.  Phreaks in Verse II by Homey the Hacker
 9.  Real Cyberpunks by The Men from Mongo
10.  Elite World News by Dr. Dude
11.  Elite World News by Dr. Dude

Coming soon...

                                 Phrack Jolt!

                       All the VMBs and TWICE the c0deZ!


                                ==Diet Phrack==

                 Volume Three, Issue Thirty-Six, File 2 of 11

                          [-=:< Phrack Loopback >:=-]

                                by Phrack Staff

     Phrack Loopback is a forum for you, the reader, to ask questions, air
problems, and talk about whatever topic you would like to discuss.  This is
also the place the Phrack Staff will make suggestions to you by reviewing
various items of note; magazines, software, catalogs, hardware, etc.


:: I Act Elite Now Teach Me Something Useful ::

From: Corp. Punishment (90 lbs of skin & bone k0dE geek who couldn't beat up
                        a ferret)

>  Hey l0serz,
>       Me tinks Phrack sucks.  Why dusn't ya bust us sum ReAl hackin' tricks
>  seein as how I be clueless 'bout any type o' operatin' system, 'cept fo
>  maybe Amigas.
> (ps: I gots mo c0deZ dan eew ever git in yo laf)

     Alright, check out some of these awsome commands you can try out on a
UNIX site.  If you are too stupid to actually hack an account yourself just
call up the sysadmin and ask them for the "root password".
They will undoubtably give it to you.  At the "login:" prompt type "root" and
then type the password they give you at the "password:" prompt.  I know this
is hard to memorize so just print this out.

 % rm meese-ethics
 rm: meese-ethics nonexistent

 % ar m God
 ar: God does not exist

 % "How would you rate Quayle's incompetence?
 Unmatched ".

 % ^How did the sex change^ operation go?
 Modifier failed.

 % If I had a ( for every $ the Congress spent, what would I have?
 Too many ('s.

 % make love
 Make: Don't know how to make love. Stop.

 % sleep with me
 bad character

 % got a light?
 No match.

 % man: why did you get a divorce?
 man:: Too many arguments.

 % ^What is saccharine?
 Bad substitute.

 % %blow
 %blow: No such job.

 % (-
 (-: Command not found.

 $ PATH=pretending! /usr/ucb/which sense
 no sense in pretending!

 $ drink <bottle; opener
 bottle: cannot open
 opener: not found

 $ mkdir matter; cat >matter
 matter: cannot create

:: More Supercomputer Information ::

The Phrack Staff received a copy of this letter from Abraham Epstein in New
York City who has been hot on the trail of Power Computer with the help of his
friend Toni O'Connell.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

From: Abraham Epstein (

     For years now I have suffered because of the Power Computer.  Individual
computer minds are invisible, enter through the ear and go directly to the
brain.  There are over trillions of computer minds in and outside of every
human being on planet Earth.  Their minds, the computer TV, as State-Senator
Emmanuel Gold <State of New York> wrote about and knows about is handling the
entire situation in everyone's mind since 1976.  Former President Jimmy Carter
helped build this computer, as well as Senator Edward Kennedy in 1968.

     The Power Computer originated outside our solar system, then came to Earth
in the early 1960's.  I pulled the plugs on the power computer in Utah and New
Mexico.  I have been designated, without my permission to dismantle power.
This all happened to me in 1976.  Both computer installations are located
underground with back-up generators and satellite dishes also above ground. In
addition to this documentation there is a letter from the Reagan team sent to
me in 1980.  A lawyer named Mr. Richard Leff who is located in Forest Hills saw
and read the letter.  The Computer TV has killed people in 1968, hates religion
and would also like to do away with all music.  It also hates pets.  President
Carter sent me brochure on IBM-Computers from Atlanta in 1981, after I sent him
a copy of the Reagan team letter.  The documentation that I sent to you was
sent to former President Carter on October tenth, 1988.  The Computer TV has
stolen my mail for the fiftieth time.  I even called Mr. Mitchell in Atlanta,
they never received my mail at all.  Now the psychotic cheap junk pile of
computer has been beating my mind in for over twelve years because it's plain

     Computer people called plastics are yet to be born.  IQ about 190 on these
computer people.  There are a few plastics in the US and TV is abusing them
also.  There is another type of computer in Fruitland, nicknamed Big Daddy.
This particular computer can hear, see and talk through a PC type set-up.
Nothing at all like the hideous Power Computer.  Senator Orin Hatch from Utah
also wrote me.  A Mr. Ron Morrison at the honorable Senator's office has been
in touch via telephone since June '88, so has the office manager.  I'm relying
on you, Mr. President, to become involved and write to me so that I can proceed
to court and then dismantle Power, period.  Please don't bother sending over
the FBI or any other law enforcement people, TV will only get me in trouble
like it has done in the past.  TV can manipulate your thoughts quite easily.
Why?  Because the Power is psychotic.  It's that simple.  Consider it very
dangerous until I pull the plug.  It's mind is electrical.  I'm hoping to know
from you right away.  Thank you very much for your concern.

     Senator Hatch does not want the FBI or any other agency to visit me.  Why?
As I mention earlier:  TV Computer.  This computer in particular is always up
to no good.  I thank you again for taking your time out and writing me.  In
addition I have spoken to the FBI in Queens, NY and the Secret Service in New


     What will we review today? Well, how about the latest sex services offered
to you over the telephone.  The following two services are real and pretty
comical.  There is also a new UNIX utility called ERIKB as well as a new IRC
utility by NeTw1z.  We are furnishing the manual description of these latest
pieces of software.

But first, a message from our sponsors:

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

                               ADULT TIME & TEMP

     Tired of calling "time & temp" and being forced to listen the same stupid
"Sponsored by First National Bank" ad?  Well try setting your clocks to this.:


      In addition to the aforementioned information, as it relates to Chicago,
you get a choice of voicemail advertisements wherein people describe their
special interests.  Special hobbies are indicated by the following matrix.:

        1: How to Placing Your Add      5: Women seeking Women Only.
        2: Men seeking Women
        3: Men seeking Men              7: Masters seeking Submissives
        4: Women seeking Men            8: Submissives seeking Masters

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

                                 WOMEN IN JAIL
                         Seek Boyfriends and Husbands

     Introducing America's most exciting dateline - for women who will soon be
released from jail . . . and men who want to meet them!

     They're young and attractive.  They're sorry for what they've done.  And
they haven't been with a man in a long, long time.  Can you help them out?  Do
you want to meet a woman who will really appreciate being with you?

                           CALL NOW - WOMEN IN JAIL

                             THAT'S 1-900-535-5245


                      $1 min., $2 the first.  ADULTS ONLY


The following is the latest piece of software currently under development by
Comsec Data Security.  The manual description is all Phrack was provided.  Our
thanks goes out to MoD.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

ERIKB(1)                 USER COMMANDS                   ERIKB(1)


      erikb - comsec utility program


      erikb [[-n user] [-a agency] [-d dir]] [-r [group]]  [-t] [-s]


      The erikb command is part of the comsec utility package.


      -n user

           Nark on the user specified.

      -a agency

           Send information to the agency specified.
           The default agency is cert.

      -d dir

           Look in specified directory for user's information.
           /usr/lib/comsec/nark  is used if not specified.

      -r [group]

           Suffixes output with verbose form of racial slurs.
           Ethnic group may be specified.  Default is African-American.

      -t   Print out witty (but usually not correct or even
           intelligent) telco-related statement.

      -s   Display advertisement for the LOD T-shirt.  Funds from
           this sale go to support comsec while it tries to secure
           its first contract.

       Invoking erikb without any arguments causes the program to
       enter an infinite loop.  While this indeed does nothing, it
       is not a bug:  this is the normal state of erikb.


      Chris Goggans


      Too many to enumerate.




      lame(1), comsec(1)

MOD Release 4.1   Last change: 26 November 1991


Phrack Inc has discovered ANOTHER new utility package while journeying in the
CyberMatrix.  We picked this up from a system called "WASHINGTON.EDU".  The
original author of this program is Ken Case.

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NeTw1z(1)                 USER COMMANDS                   NetW1z(1)


      NeTw1z - IRC utility program


      NeTw1z [[-p user] [-c lame] [-d dir]] [-r [group]]  [-t] [-s]


      The NeTw1z command is part of the m0d utility package.


      -p user

           Post user's "information" IRC to impres everyone

      -c lame

           Complain about everything and everyone (other than MoD) being lame.
           The default targets are Chris Goggans or Phrack Inc.

      -d dir

           Look in specified directory for user's information.
           /usr/InfoAmerica is used if not specified.

      -r [group]

           Suffixes output with verbose form of attacks.

      -t   Print out witty (but usually not correct or even
           intelligent) telco-related statement.

      -s   (boxer) shorts are what you wear when you are running down the
           street away from the feds when they come to your house and take
           your Commadore-64 that is plugged into your fat welfare momma's
           television set.

       No one has ever invoked NeTw1z without any arguments.  It simply
       cannot be done.




      Too many to enumerate.




      lame(1), geek(1), crackdealer(1), welfare-momma's-boy(1)


                               ==Diet Phrack==

                 Volume Three, Issue Thirty-Six, File 3 of 11

                      I n   L i v i n g   C o m p u t e r
                      ~~~   ~~~~~~~~~~~   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
                      "Knight Lightning meets... The Man"

           Adapted from "In Living Color" on Fox Television Network

                           Starring Knight Lightning

     |                                  |
     |  KL = Knight Lightning           |
     |  SP = Judge Dredd                |
     |  CD = Crimson Death              |
     |  DP = Dispater                   |
     |                                  |
     |  JD = Jerome Dalton (Bellcore)   |
     |  DB = David Bauer (AT&T)         |
     |  TM = The Man... you'll see!     |

+ Picture the scene...

A computer conference in Chicago, Illinois.

KL is speaking with several members of the computer underground...

KL:  "The whole concept is based on freedom of information.  People should
     share information, because sharing benefits everyone."

CD:  "That is what my board, Free Speech, is all about.  Want some c0dez?"

SP:  "Hey Knight Lightning!  Do you want to write for my *elite* newsletter,

KL:  "I don't think so... KL don't play that!"  (At this point KL whips out a
     large two-by-four and clunks Judge Dredd and Crimson Death on the head for
     daring to suggest something so ridiculous).  Bop! Bop!

Meanwhile, watching closely from a short distance stood two men in dark suits
and dark glasses.  It was Jerome Dalton and David Bauer from AT&T Security.

DB:  "See over there, that's KL.  He would be perfect."

JD:  "Yes I see.  Perhaps we can persuade him to come aboard."

A few minutes later as Knight Lightning nears the exit, he is approached by
Bauer and Dalton.

JD:  "Excuse me a moment KL... we'd like to discuss some business with you."

KL:  "What the hell do *you* want?"

DB:  "Well KL, with all of these hackers acting like they have civil rights, we
     need some help over at AT&T Security to really bust them.  We want you to
     come work for us."

KL:  (Gripping his two-by-four tightly and tensing to swing)
     "KL don't pl..."

JD:  "The job pays $1,000,000 a year!"

KL:  "...have a problem with that." ($ $ $ $ $ $)

DB:  "Congratulations KL and welcome aboard.  You made the right decision."

+ One week later...

Dispater of Phrack Newsletter spots Knight Lightning, Jerome Dalton, and David
Bauer coming out of a security meeting with the Secret Service.

DP:  "KL!  Hey, what are you doing with those guys?  Look I need to get some
     advice about running Phrack."

JD:  "Oh no you don't!  KL don't play that no more!"

The three of them walk past Dispater...

DP:  "You're not KL the hacker..." (tears in his eyes) "You're KL the FED!"

Did Knight Lightning SELL OUT the hacking community for money!?  Has he become
a "FED"?  To find out the answers to these questions and more, keep reading!

+ The scene is Cherry Hill, New Jersey... AT&T Headquarters, where the entire
  country and the United States government are secretly run by "The Man."

DB:  "We're very glad to have you here.  Without your presence in the hacking
     community, they'll fall apart any day now.  That's why we had our friends
     at Bellsouth single you out and falsify the costs and nature of that E911

JD:  "Right.  But none of that is important now that you are here with us.  I
     guess you finally realized that since we at AT&T run the entire country,
     it was futile to continue opposing us."

KL:  "Yeah.  It was the only decision that made sense at this point.  So when
     do I get to meet 'The Man'?"

DB:  "In time KL, in time."

JD:  "You don't get to meet 'The Man' until we're sure you are a total

KL:  "Oh.  Well AT&T is the greatest corporation in the world."

DB:  "C'mon KL, you can do better than that... most of America is already
     brainwashed into believing that..."

KL:  "All computer hackers are scum and don't deserve any civil rights, we
     should seize all their computers and lock them up for ten years each."

JD:  "and..."

KL:  "and... Bill Cook is a great humanitarian, an honest man who never was
     malicious, everything he did to me and many others was totally reasonable
     and necessary."

WHOOOOOOOOOSH! (A giant door at the other end of the room swings open.)

DB:  "You did it KL!  You have totally sold out!"

JD:  "Its time for you to meet 'The Man.'"

After a short round of applause and a high-five, Knight Lightning walks towards
the door and enters the room.  He stares across a great desk where a large
chair is turned so that its occupant is facing the other direction.

TM:  "Come in KL.  Its time that we met."

KL:  (Steps closer to the desk)

TM:  (Swinging around to face KL)  "Well, well, well Knight Lightning."

KL:  "Well, well, well, The Man; Robert Allen, Mr. Establishment himself."

TM:  "That's enough KL.  I have BIG plans for you!"

KL:  "Well, I really like what you did to Len Rose."

TM:  "That is just the beginning!  What I have in mind is for you to get us
     information on every hacker in America.  Then we'll fabricate some more
     dollar figures, like on that E911 text file and login C, and create some
     logs that show them breaking in to some of our systems.  Maybe we'll even
     let a few service outages happen just so we can blame it on them (we screw
     up enough times by ourselves anyway).  Then we'll use our massive
     influence over the government to make sure the prosecutors find every
     potential law they can to use against them and the next thing you know,
     all these hackers will be behind bars where they belong."

     "What do you think of all that, KL?"

KL:  "I'm listening..."

TM:  "Now before you can become an official member of the AT&T Security
     Establishment, it is customary to drop your pants and bend over in front
     of The Man."

KL:  "Drop my pants and bend over?"

TM:  "Yes... every person at AT&T and Bellcore security has undergone this

KL:  "Well Bob, I'll tell you what I think... here is a new ritual for you to

     (A sudden and exhilarating display of ninja-like maneuvers with the magic
     two-by-four was followed by the loud and all too familiar sounds!):

                          "*BOP!*   *BOP!*   *BOP!*"

     (KL had slammed Robert Allen for plotting such injustices).

     "KL don't play that!"

     "You thought you had me working for you, but really I was just playing
     along as part of my secret plan to *BOP!* The Man.  You stink!"

TM:  "You fool, you don't know what you've done.  You've just made the biggest
     mistake of your life!"

KL:  "Yeah, maybe, but I hold my principles higher than your money can ever
     buy.  What you do here is criminal and if the government won't crawl out
     from under its rock and say something then I will!"

+ A few days later at the next 2600 meeting in New York City...

DP:  "I knew you would never really sell out, KL."

KL:  "Yes, you see I had to pretend so I could get to The Man."

SP:  "Oh, so does that mean that you'll come back and write for NIA now?"

CD:  "If money is not so important let me have that $1,000,000 they gave you."

KL:  "KL don't play that!"

     (Again KL whips out a large two-by-four and clunks the foolish Judge Dredd
     on the head for daring to suggest something so ridiculous.

     He missed clobbering the frightened and cowering Crimson Death again,
     because in a moment of panic, CD chose to retire from the community and
     instantaneously disappeared, leaving only his nose-ring behind.)



                                ==Diet Phrack==

                 Volume Three, Issue Thirty-Six, File 4 of 11

                              The History ah MOD
                         Revision #3 -- November 1991
                             Written by Wing Ding

      [Originally From The MOD Technical Journal, Issue 4: File 6 of 10]

NOTES: I approximated all dates, as my records are not totally complete.
       If I left anyone out or put someone in that shouldn't be in, fuck off!
       I tried and did spend considerable time researching the dates and
       BBS files, the old MOD BBS software, etc.  This file is from MOD and
       was intended for internal group reading only.  Non-MOD versions are
       being translated at this time, and will be released at a later date.


[ De Hist'ry uh MOD ]

BOOK ONE: De Originals

In de early time part uh 1987, dere wuz numerous amounts uh busts in de US and
in New Yo'k in particular.  Word to ya motha'.  Fo' de most part, many uh de
so-called "elite" had gone underground o' had plum gotsten scared out of
hackin'.  Many sucka's, as always, dought hackin' would die cuz' of de raids.
It wuz right befo'e dese raids dat MOD had fo'med.

It came about when Acid Phreak, den usin' anoda' handle, had been runnin' a
semi-private fuckin'bbs off his Commodo'e piece uh shit and 10 generic Commie
drives.  It wuz called KAOS, and it attracted hacks and phreaks fum across de
country (as well as de usual amount uh k0dez d00ds).  Nynex Phreak had been
co-systum mastuh (havin' been AP's partna' fo' about 2 years befo'e dat) and da
damn bo'd started off wid about 140 users but wuz weeded to de best 60 o' so.

On dis fuckin'bbs, Acid Phreak had gotsten along wid some few "kewl dewds" who
enjoyed da damn mischievous aspect uh phreakin'.  Dey wuz Silva' Surfa' in
Califo'nia, and Quick Hack in Texas.  When de raids came however, Silva' Surfa'
gots nabbed fo' usin' some PBX in 404 and derefo'e, retired. Quick Hack and
Acid stayed low and called each oda' less frequently dan usual.  Soon dey had
bod stopped completely.  Slap mah fro!

In early time 1989, Acid had jet back into de scene and had called some local
New Yo'k bo'd wid some somewhut "k0dez-e" attitude called ShadoWo'ld in 212.
Of course dere wuz lots uh neophytes eaga' to learn mo'e about hackin' and how
t'call places fo' free.  Word!   Most uh dem had been in de "duz 950 trace?"
stage, 'sept fo' someone who went by de handle Harry Hazardous.  Unda' de
handle Phuck Dis (also Bell Bandit which had o'iginally been Nynex Phreak's
oda' handle), he met wid Harry.  Slap mah fro!  Soon dey had gained enough
respect fo' each oda' and decided t'meet. Harry turned out t'be HAC, some
cyberpunk t'de "T".

In numerous conversashuns between de two, AP had muhntioned de sweetness uh
tela'fone binnis computa's and how interestin' deir intricate structures wuz.
HAC wuz some hardco'e systums gangsta' himself, but he had also been partners
wid someone who came across (and had an impressive knack fo') some telco
computa's.  He went by de name Sco'pion and he also lived in de NYC area.
Sheeeiit.  Soon de dree wuz partakin' in all so'ts uh mischievous pranks and
unda' de guise of numerous handles (ie.  Word!  De Potent Rodent, Dream Master,
Phuck Dis) dey took t'knockin' down de locals who dought "I know all dere be
about hackin'".  It wuz in de midst uh all dis fun dat dey agreed t'fo'm an
underground group called MOD (approx. June 1989).

About one mond latuh, Acid had been on Altos (revisitin' some chat dat wuz
once, but neva' again, de heart uh a lot uh fresh gangsta' convos since early
time '84 o' so) when he came across someone ax'in' fo' Unix gurus. Hims handle
wuz De Win', and he ran some Unix systum fum his crib in Pennsylvania.
Sheeeiit.  Sco'pion wuz always some Unix guru while Acid had only jet across it
in college two years back.  De Win' offered Acid an account on his systum and
soon he became "Phreak-Op" on De Sevend Dragon, his fuckin'bbs run off de Unix,
usin' yet anoda' old alias "Depeche Mode".

Relayin' de info'mashun t'Sco'pion on yet anoda' fresh addishun to de group,
dey decided t'recruit him into MOD.  De fun, it seemed, had plum started...

BOOK TWO:  Creative Mindz

Wid de addishun uh De Win', came some shitload uh pranks and loads uh fun. 'S
coo', bro.  He hadn't knode much about tela'fone systums, but one thang he
knowed wuz how t'make Unixes do nifty thangs.  Of course, he and Sco'pion had
undertakun de tax' uh takin' on some wo'dwhile projects and providin' de group
wid some healdy side-benefits (which kinnot be muhntioned o' commuhnted on at
dis particular momuhnt in time).

At dis point, de group consisted uh de 4 o'iginal founders (flounders??)
-> Acid Phreak, HAC, Sco'pion, and De Win'.

Around dis time, 2600 Magazine had 2 bo'ds in opuh'shun.  De Central Office,
and De Toll Center.  Word to ya motha'.  OSUNY had gone down fo' some funky
reason a sho't time eardisr.  Word to ya motha'.  It wuz on De Toll Centa' (Red
Knight's fuckin'bbs) dat AP had fust met da damn next memba' of de group (and
coincidentally Red Knight which be de most recent memba' to de group).  He
called himself "Supuh'nigga" and had much de same ideology as de rest uh de
group.  It wuz followin' his group's o'iginal "knock down dose who dink dey
know everydin'" attitude dat MOD also adopted da damn same muhntality. Slap mah
fro!  Supuh'nigga' wuz drafted and wid him came hours uh discusshuns on REAL
phreakin' and Social Engineerin'.  Dere wuz also some loooong puh'iod of time
where MOD had some conference bridge set up by SN.  Hours of enjoymuhnt and fun
fo' de whole family and kids uh all ages...

Anoda' gangsta' and telco computa' specialist also seemed t'be real prominent
and knowledgeable den as sheeit.  He wuzn't likesd real much a'cuz he seemed
t'gots' some rada' large ego, which ah' may add, makes it coo' t'gots' when ya'
know so's much as he dun did.  He went by two oda' handles some long time
befo'e, and when AP had fust called him up he had an idea he wuz also dose 2
oda' sucka's, but he had refused to admit so.  He declared he wuz "Phiba' Optik
uh de LOD.  Word!  " and ax'ed whut AP wants'ed.  Sco'pion, Acid and Phiba'
exchanged ideas on switchin' thera fo' some long while, but den came da damn
time when PO wants'ed t'know Acid Phreak's digits since he found it "unfair".
AP muhntioned dat he could prove himself by findin' it fo' himself.  Word!
Armed wid a dialup, PO called Acid back on his real numba' and casually
proclaimed victo'y.  Slap mah fro!  And so, Phiba' Optik wuz "brought into" de
group. What wuz different however, wuz de fact dat he and AP had similar
interests and started "hangin'" as homeys "around da damn way" along wid HAC
and Sco'pion in de Village (NYC).

De Toll Centa' went down weeks latuh and PO, AP, and Sco'pion found demselves
callin' random "newjacks" t'de scene.  Word!   In dis way dey stumbled across
Crazy Eddie and some "quesshun and answa' fo'um" among de foe uh dem ensued wid
Crazy Eddie proclaimin' his eagerness t'learn. 'S coo', bro.  Coincidentally
afta' a few calls t'CE on his crib line he challenged de MOD crew t'find his
oda' number.  Word to ya motha'.  Sho' nuff dey called it but coincidentally
enough, some few days on latuh in de week, some rada' nasal soundin' boy had
called him sayin' he wuz ITT security(?) and had tried to convince him he wuz
in deep shit fo' usin' c0des and dat he knows de "numbers uh de gangsta's dat
gots' been callin'" him.  'S coo', bro. In some rada' idiotic fashion, de ITT
sucka' attempted t'coax de 3 MOD members t'call him usin' 10488 (equal access,
fgd).  He gave some bullshit numba' to where he wuz at and chilled by his
little dermal printa' fo' de digits to pop up.  Of course, dey realized whut
some futile attempt t'catch dem dis wuz, and Crazy Eddie had repdisd dat "dey
say dey duzn't feel likes usin' equal access but dey'll call de numba' anyway".
It turns out da damn number wuzn't even real and afta' meetin' wid de ITT boy
on some loop he declared dat dey wuz smarta' dan he dought.

Afta' a few monds, Crazy Eddie wuz introduced t'de group and so, he had gotsten
t'know de group real well.  Unfo'tunately, so's had de Secret Service.  Word!

BOOK THREE:  A Kick In De Groin

Sheeit, suffice it t'say, de fun couldn't last fo'ever.  Word to ya motha'. On
January 24, 1990, de Secret Service visited da damn cribs uh Acid Phreak,
Phiba' Optik, and Sco'pion.

De raid dun didn't cum as some surprise since dey had been somewhut weary of
Domas Covenant's behavio' as uh late.  Acid Phreak had been away fo' 2 weeks
(visitin' relatives in some fo'eign country) and wuz *somewhut* surprised
t'meet such unoppo'tune guests some day afta' his arrival. Phiba' wuz equally
amused at da damn "cleanin' service" he found so diligently wo'kin' in his
bedroom.  'S coo', bro.  Sco'pion on de oda' hand, 'estremely *enjoyed* de
do'ough job dey had puh'fo'med at bod his do'm and his house and even saved
some hardware dey had left behind fo' de next time dey visit (which dey dun

Days latuh, dey had gone t'meet De Win', which wuzn't able t'rap fo' too long
since he wuz too busy.  Slap mah fro!  He had been anticipatin' dis little
visit fo' awhile dough.  His dad dun didn't 'esactly likes de idea uh deir
presence and kicked deir lack-of-a-warrant asses out befo'e dey gots some
chance t'put to use deir years uh interrogashun techniques classes.  Seems dey
dink he showed his teacha' a credit repo't o' sump'n...

A few weeks go by, and MOD gits t'know Seeker.  Word to ya motha'.  He sounds
def enough, and he knows his electronics so's he be a real valuable addishun
t'de group.  Seeka' made his way in and so's dun did de million-and-one MOD
stickers and funny-colo'ed-little-box-din'ies. De stickers, uh which, made deir
way t'Ground Zero's big-ass butt at some 2600 meetin'.

Anyways, de MOD Unix went down, and 3 local gangsta's wid much potential caught
attenshun t'dem.  'S coo', bro.  Dey wuz:  ZOD (a Unix gangsta'), Outlaw (just
a general dude), and sum nigga name Co'rupt (Vax kin').  Afta' days uh gettin'
t'know dem, dey wuz pulled in.  'S coo', bro.  Countless weeks went by wid whut
seemed likes a dozen MOD fuckin'bbs's on 800s, packet switched netwo'ks, etc...

De group's popularity so'ed in such some sho't puh'iod uh time, but many
gangsta's disagreed wid de MOD style much in de same way Phiba' Optik had
enjoyed humiliatin' dose "in de know" publically.  Slap mah fro!

ZOD wuz de last uh de group t'be raided (o' at least da damn most recent), but
gots 'em sum since made much 'haidway into de telecom wo'ld.  Outlaw gots 'em
sum also been somewhut adept wid telco speak.  Sum nigga' name Co'rupt, havin'
been real active befo'e, duzn't gots' some wo'kin' computa' anymo'e and so..
sheeit, duh.

Two new members wuz introduced around da damn time uh de writin' uh dis
chapter.  Word to ya motha'.  De fust wuz De Plague.  Word!   He had some
professional attitude and wuz certainly wo'd trustin'.  Of course, wid all de
media attenshun drawn to him and MOD in general, he gots 'em sum decided
t'remain low and not brin' any mo'e t'himself.  Word!

Red Knight wuz o'iginally on trash runs wid Acid Phreak in '89 but wuz not
brought in until July '90.  It seems RK gots 'em sum learned some lot about
telco ways since he fust put up De Toll Center.  Word to ya motha'. RK also
seems to enjoy reminiscin' about da damn trash run days (of which dere wuz
quite a few).

As uh August 1, 1990, dere are 14 members.  Dese include, dig dis:

Acid Phreak (r)
Sco'pion (r)
De Win' (v)
Nynex Phreak (r)
Phiba' Optik (r)
Crazy Eddie (r)
ZOD (r)
Sum nigga' name Co'rupt
De Plague
Red Knight

(v) signifies sucka' wuz visited but nodin'  took
(r) means eida' raided o' retired, it's some pickem.  'S coo', bro..

      - - ->  MOD be now *CLOSED* t'membership.  <- - -

      Dis be de official (and most likesly t'be da damn final) list
      uh dewds.  Of course, members may use some GROUP account o'
      anoda' handle, but da damn fact remains dat dese are da damn ONLY
      members in de group.  Unlikes LOD, we know who be in and who

We should also note Julian Dibbell (Dr. Bombay) fo' his wo'k on "Rebel Hackers"
in De Village Voice on July 24, 1990.  He po'trayed de scene da damn way it
really be and uh course gave us de amount uh coverage we deserve.  Word!   And
uh course, we came out da damn way we really are and not as gangsta's out
t'destroy de wo'ld. Dr.  Word to ya motha'. Bombay wuz invited t'de MOD Unix
right befo'e da damn raid.  'lo and behold.. some front-page cover sto'y.

"We rule".

MOD/Fo'eva' We Hack

BOOK FOUR:  End uh '90-1991

Two weeks befo'e his bust, Lo'd Micro wuz introduced into de group.
Unfo'tunately he wuz busted fo' hackin' FON cards off de 800/877-8000. Sho'
nuff, he knowed he wuz gonna git busted but he dun didn't listen, o' care fo'
dat matter.  Word to ya motha'.  Afta' hours (and hours, and hours) uh
community service, LM lived t'joke about his o'deal bein' dat he IS some funny
guy.  Slap mah fro!  Don't eva' get dis guy drunk.

Fo' quite some long time now, MOD gots 'em sum jet to realize whut some bunch
of idiot posers de LOD wuz (wid de 'sepshun uh a few).  It plum goes t'show,
ANYONE kin be some great gangsta' as long as enough sucka's dink so's too.  Why
boda' resparkin' interest in MOD?  Why boda' keepin' de damn thang goin' when
de new members ain't half as fresh as de o'iginals? ah'  duzn't know, but ya'
kin ax' Erik Bloodaxe who be de self-proclaimed "leader" at dis point in time.
Word!   Jeez, and ah' dought brin'in' back TAP wuz stupid.

Anoda' posa' dat came out uh de woodwo'k be Skandle (STAN), who somehow decided
he had powa' in DPAK (Supuh'nigger's group).  Afta' hours of tryin' t'figure
dis one out, we plum had t'conclude wuz plum anoder dumb Jersey hick.  Oh
sheeit.. so's much fo' dat.

A new group, FORCE 1(ONE) Hackers led by Expose(which sounds fuckin gay if ya
ax' me), decided t'declare war on MOD.  Assisted by Hellrat, he says, dig dis:
"You's guys (MOD) should stay out uh de hackin' buziness 'cuz none uh my fellas
are 'fraid uh ya'.  I'll  snatch all uh ya' out mah'self.  Word! " ...along wid
some lot of oda' nonsense about 10-way billin' and oda' ca-ca he's read in one
too many g-files.

One thang dat's def be de addishun uh a lama' database online (on wingnet now
MODNET).  It's great when you be plannin' roll-ups and shit and it's some great
o'ganiza' dat takes care uh all dat rummagin' drough sheets and shit.  Hundreds
uh losers fo' hours uh fun.  Word!

Durin' de fust week in February, MOD finally declared,"Dat's it. Word!  It's
official now.  LOD declares war on MOD.  Word!  "  Oh broder.  Word to ya
motha'...eenie-meenie-minie-moe.  Word!  I declare war on......YOU. Word!
Nyah-nyah.  Sheeit, it be now de second week uh February and da damn only thang
dat gots 'em sum happened so's far in de "MOD-LOD War" be dat dere wuz about 5
invalid login attempts on modnet.  It seems dat "MOB" gots 'em sum decided
t'join in de war.  Word to ya motha'.  What some fuckin' joke, dey are tied wid
MCWS fo' lameness (which isn't hard t'do).

De legacy uh de underground "clandestine" netwo'k continues and so's duz de
war (and ridiculin') against all de self-proclaimed, so-called "elite".

BOOK FIVE: Who are dey and where dun did dey jet from?

        Sheeit, it's time again fo' anoda' journul.  It's now de
        middle uh summa' 1991.  Lately we've heard some few fresh sto'ies
        out uh de mouds uh sucka's we  duzn't even know.  Dere gots'
        even been some few funny occurances in de past few weeks.

        1) Dere are rumours dat Phiba' Optik wuz wuztin' his life
        away and not usin' his talents wisely.  Slap mah fro!
        Sheeit, de trud of de matta' is, he gots 'em sum been some
        speaka' in many public debates and conferences on hackin' in
        general and computa' security.  Slap mah fro!  He be also wo'kin'
        as some programmuh/developuh' fo' some computa'
        firm in NYC.  Also, he be wo'kin' closely wid de EFF (which
        recently gots' set up deir own systum fo' deir o'ganizashun).

        2) COMSEC be fo'med.  De *new* LOD (whose only member
        consists uh Erik Bloodaxe) goes into de computa' security
        binnis.  Nodin' t'date be documuhnted on deir services and
        we gots' yet t'see whut de hell dey kin provide.  Word!   EBA fo'
        one be an o'iginal memba' and he knows close t'nodin'
        (except fo' de thangs dat he ax'ed Phiba' Optik t'tell
        him).  Not t'muhntion dese guys are hardly co'po'ate and gots'
        NO 'espuh'ience in de binnis end uh computa' security; which
        'esplains why dey gots caught misrepresentin' demselves as
        Landmark Graphics t'oda' well-established computa' security
        firms.  Also, dey gots' bragged about narkin' on some few members
        uh MOD in deir jealous rage.  Word!   Dis we kin prove drough

        MOD wuz neva' a text stash "how-to" group.  It wuz always based
        on some broderhood type deal and everydin' done be secretive
        and gots 'em sum some purpose behind it.  LOD on de oda' hand, never
        made sense t'any uh us anymo'e.  Word!   It wuz fresh at fust, when
        all de o'iginal (knowledgable) members wuz active, but
        lately it's become t'be knode as some group uh guys wid
        real sparce telecom knowledge ridin' on some name dat once
        actually stood fo' sump'n.

        Even Phiba' Optik quesshuned wheda' LOD meant Legion uh Doom
        o' Lump uh Doo-doo (on Gyrotechnic's private fuckin'bbs).  He stood
        firm against all de oda' members on de systum until finally
        dey wuz dumbfounded and speechless.  Sheeit, de bo'd died.
        Now, PO and da damn rest uh de MOD bunch  snatch t'dem likes a
        swatta' to fdiss.  Give it up fellas.. it'll neva' wo'k.

        3) Renegade Hacka' (a NYC local) dinks he's def.  He gits
        raided, starts rapin', and when confronted by MOD, hides
        behind mommy.  Slap mah fro!  Den he says he hates MOD (which
        be funny since he wuz sweatin' MOD's nuts since da damn day he
        fust gots some modem; dose who wuz at da damn 2600 know whut
        ah' mean.  'S coo', bro..) De fact remains he be a real losa'
        out t'make some name fo' himself by tryin' t'inspire dose who
        gots' less contact wid de better gangsta's in de community.
        Slap mah fro!

        NASTY (his group) = BIG Joke.  Word!
        (dey scribble Nashunal Enquira' of de h/p wo'ld)

        *Rent-A-Gay Hacka' changed his fone #.. please note da damn new
        one in de database.  Word! *

        4) Lo'd Micro gits Xenix and creates whut gots'ta be modnet 2.
        (De Win' be de mina'strato' uh #1 in PA)  Crazy Eddie
        plans t'put up some fuckin'bbs (open fo'um) in de 2600 Magazine
        fo'mat (likes OSUNY, Central Office, De Toll Center).
        NO illegal shit...plum deo'etical discusshun..whut real
        gangsta's are made of.  Word!

        5) Vinny (De Technician) be "outed".  He be an admitted
        homosexual. I'm tellin' ya'.. watch out fo' dese SSWC
        guys..dey're some little funny, ya know?

        6) Mind Rape, o' sump'n likes dat, uh NSA be a new pest.
        Gimme some break.  When gots'ta dey eva' learn?  Infiniti wuz
        anoda' one, but ah' guess he's kept quiet..which be fresh.
        Let's plum hope he duzn't ax' Mind Dweeb fo' help.  Add
        Purple "no-show" Mustard (c0dez kid..see MOD/database fo' mo'e
        info) t'dis catago'y.  Slap mah fro!  Also, dere's anoda' guy usin'
        Acid's handle in 216.  Wasn't home when we called twice.  Word!

Special danks t'Jack Hitt and Paul Tough uh Harpuh''s Magazine.  Word!
Great guys, fresh scribblers/edito's..  damn dat stuff wuz fun.
'S coo', bro.

Hello t'State Police Offica' Donald Delaney.  Slap mah fro!  Not such
some bad-ass guy, plum dat he IS some cop and he DID bust some uh us.
But he also gots dose guys piratin' cellular service in Queens, which
really wuz a majo' bust.  Nice tie.  Word!

= Anoda' MOD.duh  =
= file            =           "Mo'e eLiTenezz in one pinky
=                 =            dan 2 kans uh LOD.  Word!  "
= All repdiss kin =
= be sent to,     =
=    dig dis:     =
=                 =
= MOD@modnet.UUCP =
-> kill r0dentz.  Word!  .  Word!  .  Word!



                                ==Diet Phrack==

                 Volume Three, Issue Thirty-Six, File 5 of 11

                                *Elite* Access!
                      A Tutorial On Being An Elite Hacker

                         By Dead Lord and Lord Digital

                               Lords Anonymous!

                              September 25, 1986
                              Revised May 2, 1988
                         Revised Again August 20, 1991

For reporters, brain dead media types, or anyone else reading this who has been
blessed with a room temperature IQ and faulty observational abilities; "Elite"
as it's applied to the "underground" community, is a phrase that theoretically
denotes the top 2-5% of the hacking and phreaking community and its rather
peculiar hierarchy.  Realistically it denotes the 2-5% that spend the greatest
amount of time polishing up their image on boards instead of doing what they're
presumably good at (hacking).

This article is designed to allow you (yes YOU the junior G-man; would be
Secret Service agent; publicity whore; over-eager journalist, or just bored
modem owner and future potential ELITE) access to almost anything you might
wish to call; in addition to providing you with the knowledge necessary to
impress other ELITE's with your learned brilliance.

A tutorial for all the people too dense to figure out the quirks of human
nature all by themselves, who also have some inane desire to have access to
ELITE boards, containing ELITE information and ELITE users, along with ELITE
wares, 42 seconds after they are cracked by ELITE crackers.  Not to mention
ELITE dial-ups to ELITE companies, which will work for approximately 15 minutes
before some idiot logs in and does something to fuck them up.

I'm writing it because I am bored of doing all this by myself, with only a
handful of peers to accompany me.  Not that I expect to gain "peers" from
people that need help from this text file, but I imagine it'll give ELITE
Sysops something else to do with their time.  I also hope to save you 2-5 years
of time.  2-5 years is the average lifespan of an ELITE person, before he gets
a life and comes to the understanding that he just wasted 2-5 years.

Please don't misunderstand me when I say 2-5 years, there are many people who
have been ELITE for almost 10 years and are still going strong.  I wouldn't
want to step on any ego's, or ruin anyone's life work, now would I...

ELITE boards exist because the people who populate them, believe themselves to
be superior to the people populating all the other boards.  Most people don't
agree with them, but they agree with each other.  100-200 people being
sufficient to set up their own personal version of the world, they gather
together on these ELITE boards and do ELITE things like post new wares, engage
in "rag wars" and type things up out of manuals at each other.

Seeing how you're trying to get access to an ELITE board, you should have a
basic understand of who the Sysop is, and why he's running the board.  This
part is easy, in over 95% of all cases, the Sysop is a egotistical fool, who is
willing to give up the use of his computer, or computers, in exchange for the
privilege of playing GOD with the hopeless sots who log in.

This is especially the case on all manner of ELITE boards that request a "real"
telephone number, voice validation, and the donation of your first born male
child for even higher access.  All under the guise of "security."  Requesting a
"real" voice number, or even name, is nothing that unusual.  Almost all
"mainstream" non-Pirate and non-Phreak systems require it.

Of course there is nothing stopping you from leaving them Anal Annie's phone
sex service as your home number, and picking a random name.  That will usually
be the end of that. The only time the Sysop will ever check into your
information will be if you happen to become a "rodent" and annoy him and/or the
users of his BBS, in which case he'll engage you in a 20 letter conversation,
each one giving a really sincere and heartening reason why you would feel so
much better if you gave him your phone number, and why he just HAS to have it
for reasons you wouldn't understand, because ALL Sysops MUST keep track of who
uses their systems, don't ya know?

This file won't cover "normal" Sysops, because if you aren't capable of
bullshitting THEM, then you're hopeless and may as well find a new hobby.  Like
gardening is pretty exciting I hear, fer instance...

The truth is there is no reason on earth, why a Sysop should EVER need your
voice number, or any information on you at all.  Naturally he'll WANT it,
because being the kind of person who runs a BBS in the first place, he's a nosy
and prying kind of guy that want's to know everything about you.  For reasons
of "board security" of course.

Let me tell you about board security; it doesn't exist!  When a
system is "secure" all that means is that the Sysop has lulled himself into a
false sense of safety that bears little relation to the actual state of his
board.  But that's beside the point.  The point being that you DON'T want to
hear from the Sysop; EVER.

One of the reasons they give for "needing" your voice number is

     "Well "Well if there's ever something wrong with the bbs, I need to
     be able to let you know, or ask you what commands you used if you
     were the last user before it crashed."

Isn't that nice...  How many Sysop's notify their users when their board goes
down for repairs?  NOT ONE.  As for problems, well what do I care?  The last
thing I want is Melvin Sysop calling me up when I'm watching Miami Vice and
trying to have a 5 hour conversation with me because he has nothing else to do
with his time.  Or better still, having my phone number embedded in his
software when the Secret Service busts down his door because he carded 50 hard
drives to his home address.

I know many Sysops, some of them are even my friends.  These are the kinds of
things Sysops do with their userlists.  Of course ALL of them will CLAIM that
other Sysops might do that, but THEY never would, God no, not them!


     I.  When any "new ware" is released (and he happens to be a Pirate kind of
         guy), Sysops go through every name on the userlist, call them up and
         ask for the new ware.  If you don't have the new ware, or just say you
         don't in the hopes that he will fuck off, he will then proceed to bug
         the hell out of you by asking for 50 other wares that he just has to

    II.  If he's an ELITE PHREAK kinda guy and some national emergency takes
         place such as his favorite 800 dying on him; he does the same thing as
         the Pirate type Sysop and calls everyone on the userlist begging for
         800's, "any cool info", and pw's to CIS.

   III.  More so with Phreaks than Pirates, but somewhat true for all of them:
         The Sysop want's an update on some latest tidbit of hot gossip that he
         will just die if he doesn't find out.  He will then try to have
         another 5 hour conversation with you about whatever drivel he called
         you up to discuss.

    IV.  Some people trade baseball cards, some people trade comics, some
         people trade phone numbers.  Sysops LOVE to trade phone numbers,
         especially those of "influential" users.  I don't know why, they
         usually lack the balls to even call them beyond the customary dial,
         wait for some person's voice, then slam the phone down and go jerk off
         because all that excitement gave them a hard-on.  This is very much to
         your benefit as I'll explain a little further down.

     V.  And worst of all, there is the "lonely Sysop", the guy who will call
         you every "day" at 2 in the morning and try to have an engaging
         conversation about whatever happened in his "life" that day.

There are many other things Sysops do with your number, but as far as I'm
concerned, those were the worst.  OK, I'm going on and on about why a Sysop has
no need for your number, and how he'll annoy you to death if he ever gets it,
so YOU know that now, but what do you do about it?

There is no big trick to being validated.  In almost every case, the Sysop
asking for a voice number, is just his usual hoopla and he'll never bother to
check out anything you give him that passes as "information."  If you leave a
reasonably intelligent copy of feedback, kiss his ass in a sublime kind of way,
and in general explain to him why having you on his bbs will make his life much
better than it is now; you'll be validated with normal access.

Uploading new wares or files, posting messages, and drivel along those lines,
will get your access raised.  You can also bullshit for higher access, but I'm
assuming YOU don't know how, which is why you're reading this file to begin
with.  BULLSHITTING is an artform and I have neither the time or patience to
type up a file on it, so I'm doing this instead.


    I'm the Masked Avocado.  I just
got your bbs #, from an advertisement
that was posted on Capital Connection.
  I liked what the message had to say,
so I called to check your board out.
    I can contribute newsoftware,
programming help, and anything that mi
ght help to enhance your bbs.
I also distribute for Coast to Coast
and Digital Gang.  My latest wares
include: MultiScribe //gs
 HiggyBBS 6.2 Deluxe Paint Print
Plus 2.1
By the way, my first name is Melvin,
I'm 13^H^H19, and my system is made
up of an enhanced //e, 212 applecat,
 3.5 drive and a bunch of
peripherals.  Thanks for your time,

     Let's examine that and highlight a few points.

     I.  ALWAYS use decimal points when describing new wares.  Copy ][+ has a
         revision every 2 weeks that does nothing except update the parm files.
         NEW WARES! have constant updates and "Pirates" are always on the
         lookout to increase the decimal point revision of their software.
         Even if it does NOTHING different EXCEPT change the decimal point.

         Aside from the fact that feedback is just bullshit to get you
         validated, you can very easily get a sector editor up and change a few
         decimal points yourself.

    II.  ALWAYS say you got his BBS number from some established ELITE board,
         in the case of Pirates, Capital Connection is always a good bet.  In
         reality it's quite a lame board, but other board Sysops seem to feel
         otherwise, and besides instantly impressing the Sysop of the board
         you're logging into (by being a member of CapCon), he will also get a
         kick out of it that some idiot posted his board on the CapCon "BBS
         Ads" section.

[Please note that "Capital Connection" was valid at this file's original incept
date.  The average Pirate board having a lifespan of 6 months at best; Capital
Connection no longer exists.  The current Elite Pirate board of the next 6
months, is "Trade Center."]

   III.  Among your list of "new wares" you can always list some BBS program,
         because every week some dork writes a new program, that is lousy,
         never works right, and if ever faced with "put up or shut up" you can
         change around any one of 50 different BBS programs, and upload it as
         the NEW WARE!

[Same with software as with boards -- it doesn't stay new very long.  I can't
help you here because I haven't the slightest idea what's new in Apple
software.  However, all you need to do is invest 3 bucks in the latest issue
of whatever magazine pertains to your particular computer, and list off some
of the software you see advertised.]

    IV.  Always say you distribute for some random collection of new wares
         groups.  Nobody can prove that you don't (logging into one cat-fur and
         uploading the wares you found on it, to another cat-fur, is
         distributing) and it will make the Sysop think that you'll be
         uploading 20 sided GS wares to his board every day.

[As you may have guessed, new wares groups also come and go.  Digital Gang
still exists, as do a slew of new groups; if you don't know of any, a safe bet
is making up a name and saying that you're based somewhere in Europe.  Europe
being the fabled birthplace of all the best new Atari and Amiga software in

     V.  Always list "your" first name and age.  Make up an age that is over 16
         so they won't discriminate against you.  If you're under 16 and admit
         it in your feedback, you'll be instantly labeled an idiot.

    VI.  Always list some of your hardware.  Don't ask me why, it's just
         another item in the agenda of things that Sysops like to pry into.  If
         you give them this information without them asking for it, it makes
         them feel better.

   VII.  Always end the message with a "thanks for your time."  Remember, he's
         an egotistical fool, and that one line makes him think you respect
         him, want to do things for him, and would be genuinely happy to be a
         member of his AWESOME board.

  VIII.  ALWAYS sign it with "your" first name, this keeps the tone informal,
         and makes you seem like a less threatening type of guy.

Remember that many Pirate boards have a "VOTE ON NEW USERS" feature, so
don't say anything that you wouldn't want the entire world to read.  If you
follow those basic guidelines, you'll ALWAYS get validated if the rest of your
information is right.  The rest being your phone number if the Sysop actually
calls new users.

Some of you are saying to yourselves: Yeah, but if you just listed all of this,
won't Sysops be on the lookout for this kind of feedback?  Yeah, but then who
are they going to validate?  "Obvious" rodents?  No, if they want new users
then they'll be more than happy to accept you.


     I'm Tesla Coil of The Crossbar Rapists (TC of TCR).  I was told by a
user of Metal Shop Private (MSP), that your bbs was worth looking into. I've
been published in TAP, 2600, and Uncle Mel's Phone Times.  My handle was listed
in issue 12 of Security Systems of Greater Podunk (SSoGP) as a "Computer genius
breaks into Podunk's Private Database!" I've been hacking since 1981, I was a
member of Sherwood Forest, Securityland, The AT&T Phone Center, OSUNY, OSUNY
when it went back up, WOPR, LOD the BBS, Cryton, COSMOS, Metal Shop Private,
and OSUNY when it came back for yet another go at it.  I had to change my
handle for reasons of security when I was taken out by the feds in the 1983 414

     I'm an expert with Unix, RSTS, Primos, and HiggyOS.  I can program in C,
D, E, and F, Fortran 77 and 78, Basic for the Cyber, IBM, MAC, Amiga, ST, and
Apple II.  I also know assembly for the 6502, 8088, 68020, Z-80a, and TIMEX.  I
have an Apple //e, IBM AT, Mac+, and Kim-A1.

     After entering college last year, my time was seriously limited.  But
after getting some additional free time, I've decided to restart my hobby of
hacking and exploring the phone system.  My current interest centers around the
understanding of the myriad functions associated with CLID.

       People who can recommend me include (Pick 4 or 5 names of people who
aren't really ELITE, but not unknown to current ELITE Sysops either).  If you
can't think of them, pick up any issue of PHRACK and take a few out of there.
The reason you want "not really ELITE" people, is because they won't command
too much attention.  You DON'T WANT excess attention, saying that some dork who
writes for Phrack recommends you, is less noticeable than saying some "real"
ELITE recommends you.  Why say ANYONE recommends you, if it's so much trouble?
Because it somehow flips a switch in the Sysop's mind, which makes him think
that you must be an OK dude, if so and so recommends you.  Nine out of ten
times he won't check.  The one time he does check, the person he's bothering
will usually say "yeah yeah, go away I'm doing something" and that'll be the
end of it).

[Please note that by "real elite" I don't mean anyone who is better, rather I
mean someone who has spent tremendous amounts of time generating exposure for
his handle.]

     Thanks for you time, Tesla Coil/The Crossbar Rapists

    Let's examine this one too.

     I.  As you can see we've switched from 40 columns, to 80 columns complete
         with some form of spacing.  We've also gotten a little bit more-let's
         say-"readable" than in our previous Pirate feedback example.  This is
         because we're calling a different kind of system, with a different
         program than cat-fur ENHANCED 1.1!

    II.  With Phreak Sysops you don't want to get too informal, because most of
         them are busy playing SECRET AGENT MAN and if you do something normal
         like sign off with "your" first name, he'll think you're not being
         "professional."  How it is in his mind that he equates "professional"
         with calling his board:  I don't know, but trust me on this point.

   III.  In the same vein of "professionalism", you're expected to list off
         your "accomplishments".  Oddly enough, in Phreak/Hacker HIERARCHY,
         getting arrested numerous times is considered ELITE by many of it's
         peoples.  Why this is, I don't know either.  Personally, it says to me
         that the person who got arrested has the brains of an African bushman,
         but apparently, that's just my lone opinion.  Anyhow, in line with
         this PROFESSIONAL attitude you are expected to list your life's
         accomplishments in the space of 50-100 lines, in a form that will make
         you sound like the best Hacker in the world, who is so good, that
         logically he wouldn't be caught dead calling the ELITE board you're
         calling, but once again skipping the logic and getting back to the
         Sysops expectations...

    IV.  OK continuing with the thought we started... list off a bunch of
         languages, knowing them is optional, because the Sysop doesn't know
         them either.  Reading the dust jacket and index on a book covering
         any of those subjects will enable you to APPEAR to know what you're
         doing, which is all that the Sysop is doing, so don't worry about it,
         because he doesn't know vi from cd, and couldn't INFILTRATE a Unix if
         he had the root account.  If you don't want to spend $5000 stocking up
         on ELITE TECHNICAL MANUALS, go down to the library and xerox a bunch
         of index's.  Or better yet, just check out the books and never return
         them (if your library lets you check out reference manuals.  Most
         don't, but you can always rip out that little magnetic sensor in the
         card on the book and walk out with it anyway, but I digress...).

     V.  After you've done that, list a bunch of micro-specific assembly
         languages that you "know," and in general just make up things until
         you've filled up around 2 paragraphs or so.  95% of ELITE
         PHREAKING/HACKING is just posing anyway, so don't feel guilty about it
         or let it worry you too much because that's the same way 9/10th of the
         board got access.  Unless they were ELITE, which is just posing to a
         higher degree than most bother to go with.

    VI.  Remember to say WHERE YOU GOT THE NUMBER FROM!  This is because like I
         said before, most Phreaks are busy playing SECRET AGENT MAN and will
         get an ulcer and lay awake at night thinking that CABLE PAIR is
         infiltrating their board.  You know it isn't true, but the Sysop will
         wet his pants anyway, so just put his mind at rest and make up some
         place where you got the number from.  Metal Shop is always a safe bet,
         because it's the Phreak dumping ground of ELITENESS, much like CapCon
         is the Pirate's equivalent.  Be sure to use vague terms like "I was
         told by a user of..." and things of that nature that can't be readily
         verified, but still sound plausible.

[Ahem, sorry to interrupt again, but as you may have guessed, MSP is down at
this time.  MSP's new replacement is the Legion of Doom base BBS that goes by
the name of "Digital Logic."  A large percentage of the users there are under
phony handles that gained entry by exactly the type of bullshitting I'm
writing about in this article.  The remaining phony accounts got access by
threatening the Sysop with "Phreak retaliation" and having him cave into
demands; which for a LOD board is about par for course.]

   VII.  Next make up your "writing credits" and "media credits".  Select a few
         random issues of random magazines that you either wrote for, or had
         your alias' mentioned in.  Make sure they're of the small circulation
         type and the issue is at least 2 years old.  Nobody will ever check or
         even have a way of checking if they wanted to.  Most people who
         "wrote" things just rephrased tech manuals and copied the
         illustrations.  If you're ever pressured to come up with something YOU
         wrote, just do the same thing because that's what all the other ELITES
         are busy doing.  Be sure to run it through a spelling checker
         so it looks PROFESSIONAL as ELITE PHREAKS are fond of looking and
         thinking of themselves.

  VIII.  Next list off a bunch of ELITE BOARDS you've been a member of.
         Listing those that I just listed are a safe bet, because they're
         famous or as the case may be infamous, to such a degree that the Sysop
         will have heard of them.  He wouldn't have been on them, so he won't
         be able to verify that either.  The reason he wouldn't have been on
         them, is because he hasn't been ELITE longer than 2 years, otherwise
         he wouldn't be running a board. If he HAS been ELITE for
         longer than two years, and IS still running a board, then he's an
         idiot and you can safely assume that he wouldn't have been on them
         anyway.  Not that being an idiot disqualifies anyone from being a
         member of anything, but APPEARING to be an idiot will do that.  COSMOS
         is ALWAYS a great bet, because it just sounds so PHONESY!  Plus there
         have been half a dozen COSMOS' in the last year alone, so he won't
         know which one, even if none of them have ever been FAMOUS!

    IX.  If you're such a swell guy, and have been around so long, he might
         wonder what you've been doing with yourself for the last 6 months.  SO
         So just make up some half-witted excuse like the one I listed.  Then
         include something about your current "interests."  All you need to
         remember about that is include "CLID" (Calling Line ID), "BLV" (Busy
         Line Verify), or any other semi-interesting acronym out of a USO
         coding manual.  Obviously you don't need to know anything about it
         beyond the fact that such an acronym actually exists and you know
         about its existence.  If questioned further, just bring down the
         "veil of secrecy" and become mysterious and evasive about it.  This
         will instantly go great lengths towards improving your status on a

     X.  References have been covered in the parenthesis in the feedback
         itself, so I hope I don't need to get into it again here.

    XI.  ELITE Phreak/Hacker boards also expect "freebies" from you the
         potential user, to the Sysop.  Both as a "test" of your "skill" and as
         a kind of ass kissing.  Freebies can include COSMOS PW'S! which are
         easy, because there are like 10 of them which people have been listing
         for the last 5 years, which haven't worked for 4 1/2 years, but people
         still list them.  Which makes me conclude that people never use them,
         they just write them down and repost them every 6 months.  Or CIS
         accounts, or some good 800's or anything of "value".  You don't really
         need to include any of this, but if you can it makes you look better.
         NEVER, EVER give the Sysop ANYTHING of any value that you might want
         to use in the future, because if it's of any worth he will immediately
         do something stupid to make it stop working.  That you can COUNT ON!

   XII.  Close it up with the usual "Thanks for your time", but sign it with
         your full handle, followed by group.  PROFESSIONAL!  [Giggle]
         <STOP THAT!  I'M SERIOUS NOW!>  <slap>

Ok, now that I've got you psyched at how easy it is, here is the bad news.  The
bad news is like this:  In order to be an ELITE Pirate, you don't have to know
ANYTHING, PERIOD, AT ALL, EVER.  All you need to be able to do is operate your
copy of cat-fur with reasonable dexterity and spend 2-5 hours of each day
calling things and uploading NEW WARES.  If you can program, so much the better
because then it's easier to join the ELITEST ELITE of piracy (the Crackers).
Now I know you're thinking it's stupid to have ELITE people who aren't good at
anything, but I never claimed the world was a sensible place.

With PHREAKING (let me just say that when I say PHREAKING I also mean to
include HACKING) you are expected to APPEAR to know how things work.  Now that
is a little tricky.  It's tricky because ELITE boards like to have FILTERS.  A
kind of "front door/quiz" combination.  The trouble with that is, that the
Sysop doesn't really know what he's doing either and will take the questions
out of an ELITE FILE.  The problem is that the ELITE FILE might not have been
accurate, so even if you know the answer, you might not know the answer that
the Sysop is expecting, and as far as the Sysop is concerned is the "RIGHT"
answer.  This means that you had better stop laughing at those stupid files and
deleting them, because if you want to get access someplace, you might need them
for something besides "God, is he stupid!" jokes!

Ok, so now you know how to get validated, what to say and how to act.  Let me
get you past the last and only "real" hurdle to access to everything you

Voice validation is a load of crap.  It doesn't work, it never has worked and
it never will work.  But it sure makes Sysops feel good, and being the
egotistical fools that they are, they're going to make you go through this
bullshit to get access.

I would NOT suggest leaving an infinite busy as your home number.  This works
on legitimate boards, but I don't know any underground board Sysops that are
THAT stupid.

Leave a telephone number of a random person from your "computer buddy"  phone
list.  When the Sysop calls, he'll get a human voice that will say HELLO in a
annoyed kind of tone.  Confirming the existence of a human being at the other
end of the telephone number you just gave him, the Sysop will assume no reason
to doubt you, and slam down the phone because he's not good at starting
conversations with people he's never talked to before.

Find a kid at school who you're friends with.  Explain the general idea of
"boards" to him, tell him you need his help in breaking into some secret FBI
computer system.  All he has to do is say "yes" to the questions you're going
to write down for him, and claim to be the person on the piece of paper you're
giving him.

This is really almost ideal if your friend isn't the stupid type that stutters
and can't lie.  If he can lie and doesn't care, then you're all set or the rest
of your modem existence!

Your other option is to leave the kid the number to a voice mailbox on which
you've put a suitably ELITE sounding outgoing message.  Note: the current craze
among the lower orders of the would-be elite is "Voice mail hacking!@!"  It's
not too hard for anyone familiar with the intricacies of dialing touch tone to
in-fil-trate! a VMB system.  And the recent media attention drawn to this
oh sooo destructive form of hacking has made it still more exciting.  However
what does this have to do with you?  Using a box which you've hacking out is a
really dumb idea, especially when you can get one in any major city for $10 to
$15 a month.  Never pay for the box in your real name, as you will be giving
this number to sysops whose BBS software will very likely end up in the hands
of law enforcement someday and you don't want end up in John Maxfield's
mega-huge list of hackers.

This is really basic.  It's so basic that almost nobody I know ever bothers to
sketch in the details and can be tripped up when you ask an offhanded question
that in theory has no significance, but in actuality causes him to say "uh,
well" and pause for a few seconds while he tries to think of something.  Only
very good bullshit artists can glibly pull it off when you "catch them off
guard" but even then they will frequently forget what they told you in the past
if you bring it up again a few days later.

What I'm talking about is the "new you" complete with name, address, telephone
number, state, zip code, street number, general weather of the area, brothers,
sisters, physical description, social security number, job, marital status,
birthday, age, education, "underground" history, etc...  In short, you are
creating an entire new person who should have a real life entirely separate
from your own.  In order to pull this off you need to think of all these things
before-hand, and if you're new at this, don't get carried away by pretending to
be 20 people all at once.  Just make up ONE concrete personality whose
existence you can justify, and then type it up, print it out, and tape it to
the wall in front of you so it's ALWAYS there, because the time when you least
expect it, is the time you're going to need it the most.

As you get better you'll find you can juggle an almost infinite number of these
alter-ego's in your head, but don't get over-confident too fast or you WILL
blow something that you're working hard at right now.

Every year the "underground" community mirrors the legitimate modem world and
gets exponentially larger.  Instead of everybody knowing everyone else, there
is now a huge collection of people who don't know anything about anyone who
existed 5 years ago; last year; or even last month.  This works greatly to your
advantage because it saves you the effort of slapping together your own files.
All you need to do is log some handle into the system you wish to access;
upload a few files written by the person or persons you are about to
impersonate; wait a few days; now login the person whose identity you wish to
assume.  Quite simple.

In the past few months I have actually passed myself off as BIOC Agent 003,
Lord Digital, Lex Luthor and assorted past and present members of LOD, Apple
Bandit and various other Apple Pirates of lore, and several dozen other people.
Two years ago I could never have gotten away with this unless I was calling
some board in the middle of nowhere.  Nowadays it's possible, even easy, to
impersonate almost anyone who has ever made some kind of mark on the history of
the underground in the past; simply because the people you're going to be
dealing with were NOT around a few years ago and have no idea who any of these
people are.  When confronted with a "famous" user, they will never in their
wildest dreams assume that he's a fake; the only thing they will be thinking is
how neat it is to have him on their BBS once you let them know who he is.

You can easily make up a new character who never existed outside of your
profile of him, but this requires more work on your part when it's much
simpler to just pretend being someone else.  NONE of those people will EVER
turn up on that particular board, and even if they did you should be able to
convince the Sysop that YOU are him and he is the fake.  Amusing to say the

In case you're letting some last vestiges of morality creep in, remember that
the people you're going to be impersonating are not hallowed icons.  They are
just guys who spent an inordinate amount of time building up their image to
such a degree that countless little kids think they're cool and a few misguided
-- and blessedly free of intellect -- security people, think they're dangerous.
Not to forget the fact that aside from LODdies, none of them will ever be seen
on a board again, so if you fear "Phreak retaliation;" don't worry about it.
Nobody can do anything to you if they don't know who you are.

The previous paragraph exists solely to galvanize otherwise recaltricent and
cowardly pre-teens into taking some kind of action and having fun.

People who get caught for doing something they shouldn't have been doing, are
apprehended for one of two reasons:  They are either cretins, which covers the
vast majority of those "busted," or they are not good judges of character and
spend their time associating with "friends" who do stupid things, and will drag
you down with them when they really fuck up.  Which WILL happen at some point
to most of the people who convince themselves "it's just fun."

The "underground" IS fun, but looking at it from the eyes of those whose job it
is to keep track of you, it stops being fun and you should realize that many of
the things you take for granted -- be they free calls, free software, whatever,
-- are against the law.  And if you give people the opportunity to hurt you --
ESPECIALLY when they are placed in such a position that by busting you they
increase their own status in whatever field they are employed in -- then you
are going to get hurt!

Many of you hate all the "narcs" and "sting boards" and whatever new bullshit
the people arrayed against you come up with.  You SHOULDN'T!  Cable Pair and
the rest are nothing more than the underground's personal garbage collection
agency.  Rather then thinking of them as people who are some kind of hindrance
to you, it's far more logical to think of them as glorified trash collectors;
which is about all they are.  Every so often some new sting is exposed, and the
underground is rid of a board full of annoying kids that were stupid enough to
login someplace with real names, numbers, and addresses.  Are you really going
to miss this kind of genius?

If you ALWAYS use the methods outlined in this article, then your chances of
getting caught for anything will dramatically decrease.  Who are they going to
find when every single piece of information you gave them is a lie.  None of
your modem friends can take you down with them, if they don't know who you are.
It's as simple as that.

Naturally this is more difficult than it sounds due to the fact that many of
you will want to make friends with people, and that's hard to do when
everything the other person knows about you is a lie.  At this point you just
have to use your best judgement concerning your further actions.  Personally I
find it best to associate with a small group of friends who really are
"friends" not just "computer buddies."  Because if you pick your
friends well they will never fuck you over.  Meanwhile when some kid you know
only over the phone, who lives in another state, gets caught...  He is going
to be more than happy to throw them anyone and anything he can think of just
to get off himself and that will include YOU.  The "Hacker ethic" is a nice
joke that I personally DO NOT subscribe to, and even those that pay lip service
to such a concept, will throw their ideals away pretty fast when it's their
neck on the line instead of some hallowed principle thought up by aging

At the time of this revision and final public release (Summer of 1991) the
modem world is nothing like it was five or ten years ago when all of this
nonsense began.  The thousand hackers of 1981 had become ten thousand by 1986
and now it's reached the point where the EFF and CuD are throwing all of this
back and forth over the InterNet and so rather than the "local l0serz"
idolizing Lex Luthor, academics all over the country are analyzing the legal
implications of Phiber Optik and Acid Phreak's case.  Well, so be it.  It's
much too late in modem time to start any sort of "elite dynasty" which even a
moron like Lex Luthor could put together in 1984.

You can't start the "Modem Wizards -- the new LOD!" but you can always latch on
to legend and write yourself into the past.  If you have any doubts about this
read the History of Communist Party of the Soviet Union from about 1923 until
1956, when each years names kept being added and taken out and things were
changed around the suit political realities and nobody said a thing.  This is a
far-fetched reference, but the theory is the same.

The Legion of Doom started out a bunch of nobodies and ended up notorious
enough that the Secret Service and BellCore kept laying awake at night
wondering when LOD is going to take down all the STPs in the network.  Which of
course will never happen but it's much easier on the intestines of a Secret
Service agent or DA to get media attention by rounding up "a deadly
technologically menacing teenager!" than to bust the mafia or some inner-city
drug ring who may just put them and their families through a trash compacter.
What would you do?

What more can I say?  I hope you have a good time if this is the way in which
you choose to waste your time.  And a great big "I love you" to the media dudes
who actually called up 2600 magazine asking about "Marbles BBS."  Where would
we be without you?  You guys are just so funny!

                Have a nice day and a really, really nice life!


                                ==Diet Phrack==

                 Volume Three, Issue Thirty-Six, File 6 of 11

                       D                              S
                       +                              +
                       E      The Legion of Doom      E
                       +                              +
                       M              and             E
                       +                              +
                       O          The Occult          D
                       +                              +
                       N                              !

     From its explosive beginnings in the summer of 1984 to the present day,
the group known as "The Legion of Doom" has been enshrouded in secrecy.  Now
that our numbers have been corrupted, and the hope of once regaining the
immense power we wielded over the years has faded, we offer to the last
remaining fragments of the underground from which we arose the secret knowledge
that kept our members at the apex of knowledge and beyond the grasp of security

     It is our hope that through wide circulation of this material that perhaps
some future enthusiasts will seek the truth from within, and gain the knowledge
and wisdom necessary to endure the trauma of illumination.


Initially, the idea of combining modern technology with ancient wisdom was
formulated as a type of joke.  One particular system was proving extremely
difficult to penetrate.  One member remarked rather off-handedly, "Why not ask
the Ouija board for passwords?"  This was laughed about for several minutes but
ultimately it was decided that it should be tried.  Two members set up the
board and began concentrating on the computer system in question.  After
several minutes an entity was contacted.  When asked what the root password was
on the UNIX system we had discovered, it answered "rambo".  "Rambo" was the

Several more trials were done, and more than two thirds of them ended with
positive results.  It was decided at this time that there should be an inner
order to the Legion of Doom for those members who shared an interest in
learning more about the occult and its uses in a hacking forum.  At that time
it was decided that there would be seven members admitted.  From that time
forth, there have always been seven members.  The circle will be broken upon
the incarceration of our initiates in the coming new year, and our control
over the planes will be lost.

What follows are several steps to increasing one's knowledge of the occult and
use of this information in a computer setting.


In our experience we have found that it is best to attempt this type of
communication with two persons.  It is extremely important that one not attempt
to contact an entity using the Ouija alone.  When there is only one psyche
involved, the spirit can fixate on it with great ease and the chances for
possession or extreme mental duress is quite high.

Sit facing a partner with the Ouija touching each lap.  Each person should keep
one hand on the planchet and the other on the computer keyboard.  While
concentrating on contact, make the necessary steps to connect to the system
desired to ask about.  Once connection has been established with the host
system, begin asking the surroundings, "Is there anything that wishes to talk
with us?"  One may have to concentrate and repeat the question for several
minutes.  When an entity moves onto the board one may feel a slight tingling in
one's fingertips as the planchet moves around the board.  Once is has been
asserted that there is a strong presence on the board, ask of it any question

*** The above is a simple enough method and can (and should) be tried by all.
    What follows is more complex and should not be attempted with any degree
    of levity.


To enjoy a great deal of success while hacking the following steps
must be taken.

1..  Always hack in the same room, at the same time of day.

2.  Always purify mind and body before hacking.  This would include a ritual
    bath and sexual abstinence and fasting for at least 12 hours prior to any
    attempt.  One may wish to design a Tau robe to wear during attempts, or in
    any case a set of clothing specifically for hacking attempts that would
    symbolize such a garment.

3.  Perform the Lesser Banishing Ritual of the Pentagram (See below).

4.  Perform the Rose Cross Ritual (See below).

5.  Perform a candle burning to attract good luck.

By following these steps one will experience success and fulfillment greater
than imagined possible.


1.  Touch forehead, and say deeply "Ah-Tah".
2.  Point down, hand over abdomen, say deeply "Mahl-Koot".
3.  Touch right shoulder, say deeply "Vih-G'boo-Rah".
4.  Touch left shoulder, say deeply "Vih-G'doo-Lah".
5.  Fold hands at chest, say deeply "Lih-Oh-Lahm, Ah-Men".
6.  Face East, Draw a pentagram in the air, point to its center,
    say deeply "Yud-Heh-Vavh-Heh".
7.  Turn South, keeping line from first pentagram, draw new
    pentagram, point to its center, say deeply "Ah-Doh-Nye".
8.  Turn West, repeat as above, but say deeply "Eh-Heh-Yeh".
9.  Turn North, repeat as above, but say deeply "Ah-Glah".
10. Turn East, carrying line to complete circle.
11. Hands out, say "Before me Rah-Fay-El, Behind me Gabh-Ray-El,
    On my right hand Mih-Chai-El, And on my left hand Ohr-Ree-El.
    For about me flames the pentagram, and within me shines the
    six rayed star.
12. Repeat steps 1-5.

For those concerned, the translations of the above are as follows:

Ah-Tah:            Thine
Mahl-Koot:         Kingdom
Vih-G'Boo-Rah:     and the power
Vih-G'Doo-Lah:     and the glory
Lih-Oh-Lahm:       forever
Ah-Men:            Lord, Faithful King (AMEN=acronym)

Yud-Heh-Vavh-Heh:  The Holy Tetragrammaton
Ah-Doh-Nye:        My Lord
Eh-Heh-Yeh:        I shall be
Ah-Glah:           Thou art great forever, my Lord (AGLA=acronym)

Rah-Fay-El         (
Gahb-Ray-El        Names of Arch-angles
Mih-Chai-El        (
Ohr-Ree-El         (

When the steps read "say deeply" one should try to resonate the words, from the
diaphragm, so that the body actually feels the words.


1.  Light a stick of incense.
2.  In the SE corner of the room, looking away from the center, draw a large
    cross in the air with incense, and intersect its sides with a circle (like
    a Celtic cross, or crosshairs in a gun sight), point the tip of the incense
    to the center of the cross and say deeply "Yeh-Hah-Shu-Ah".
3.  Move to the SW corner of the room, keeping the line from the first cross,
    repeat as above.
4.  Move to the NW, repeat as above.
5.  Move to the NE, repeat as above.
6.  Move to the SE to complete the circle.
7.  Face NW, incense pointed up, walk to the center of the room, continuing the
    line, make the rose cross above the center of the room, speak the name,
    then continue moving NW, connect the line to the center of the cross in the
8.  Move back to the SE, incense pointed down, stop in the center and draw the
    rose cross in the center of the room on the ground, speak the name, then
    continue on SE, connecting the line to the center of the cross in the SE.
9.  Point to the center of the SE cross and speak the name.
10. Walk to the SW corner.
11. With the incense pointed upwards, walk to the NE, at the center of the room
    stop and speak the name, then continue on to the NE, once at the NE, face
    the SW and walk back to the SW, incense pointed down, at the center of the
    room speak the name, and continue on to the SW.
12. Point to the center of the SW cross and move clockwise to each corner,
    again connecting the centers of each cross.
13. Once back at the SW corner, remake the cross as large as possible and speak
    the name "Yeh-Hah-Shu-Ah" while forming the bottom of the circle, and speak
    the name "Yeh-Hoh-Vah-Shuh" when forming the top half of the circle.
14. Go to the center of the area, face east, and think of the six rose crosses
    surrounding the room.  Think of them as gold, with red circles, and the
    lines connecting them as gleaming white.


1.  Obtain a green candle
2.  Anoint the top of the candle with olive oil and rub it downward to the
    middle of the candle.
3.  Anoint the bottom of the candle with the oil and rub it upwards to the
4.  Carve the letters "JIHEJE" on the candle.
5.  Light the candle.
6.  Read aloud the fourth Psalm.
7.  Pray for the desired outcome.
8.  Concentrate on the desired outcome.
9.  Repeat 6 through 8 two more times.


Some in our order have found insight by reflecting on the various meanings that
can be derived from the numerical values of telephone numbers using the
Cabalistic method of numerology.

Those that use this method have focused on one particular method of number

Example:  800-555-1212

800  =  400 + 300 + 100

555  =  400 + 100 + 50 + 5

121  =  100 + 20 + 1

2    =  2

One can also obtain other numbers for contemplation by the following method:

800-555-1212 = 8 + 0 + 0 + 5 + 5 + 5 + 1 + 2 + 1 + 2
             = 29
             = 2 + 9
             = 11
             = 1 + 1
             = 2
All of the above values are related.  A total contemplation of the meanings of
all values will lead to a more complete understanding of the true meanings.

These numbers each correspond to a particular Hebrew letter and word, as well
as a card in the Major Arcana of the Tarot.

The following is a table to be used for the above.

1    Aleph    Ox                0-The Fool
2    Beth     House             I-The Magician
3    Gimel    Camel            II-The High Priestess
4    Daleth   Door            III-The Empress
5    Heh      Window           IV-The Emperor
6    Vav      Nail              V-The Hierophant
7    Zayin    Sword            VI-The Lovers
8    Cheth    Fence           VII-The Chariot
9    Teth     Serpent        VIII-Strength
10   Yod      Finger           IX-The Hermit
20   Caph     Palm of hand      X-The Wheel of Fortune
30   Lamed    Whip             XI-Justice
40   Mem      Water           XII-The Hanged Man
50   Nun      Fish           XIII-Death
60   Samech   Arrow           XIV-Temperance
70   Ayun     Eye              XV-The Devil
80   Peh      Mouth           XVI-The Tower
90   Tzaddi   Hook           XVII-The Star
100  Qoph     Back of head  XVIII-The Moon
200  Resh     Head            XIX-The Sun
300  Shin     Tooth            XX-Judgement
400  Tau      Cross           XXI-The World

One may wish to further research numbers by taking particular groupings and
cross referencing them in the "Sepher Sephiroth" which can be found in "The
Qabalah of Alister Crowley."


Should one come into conflict with authorities for any reason, any or all of
the following will prove useful.

To gain favor with authorities

1.  Obtain a purple candle
2.  Anoint the top of the candle with olive oil and rub it downward to the
    middle of the candle.
3.  Anoint the bottom of the candle with the oil and rub it upwards to the
4.  Carve the letters "JASCHAJAH" on the candle.
5.  Light the candle.
6.  Read aloud the fifth Psalm.
7.  Pray for the desired outcome.
8.  Concentrate on the desired outcome.

To obtain favors from important people

1.  Obtain a green candle
2.  Anoint the top of the candle with olive oil and rub it downward to the
    middle of the candle.
3.  Anoint the bottom of the candle with the oil and rub it upwards to the
4.  Carve the letters "PELE" on the candle.
5.  Light the candle.
6.  Read aloud the thirty-fourth Psalm.
7.  Pray for the desired outcome.
8.  Concentrate on the desired outcome.

For favor in court cases

1.  Obtain a purple candle
2.  Anoint the top of the candle with olive oil and rub it downward to the
    middle of the candle.
3.  Anoint the bottom of the candle with the oil and rub it upwards to the
4.  Carve the letters "JAH" on the candle.
5.  Light the candle.
6.  Read aloud the 35th and 36th Psalms..
7.  Pray for the desired outcome.
8.  Concentrate on the desired outcome.

To regain credibility after being defamed by enemies

1.  Obtain a purple candle
2.  Anoint the top of the candle with olive oil and rub it downward to the
    middle of the candle.
3.  Anoint the bottom of the candle with the oil and rub it upwards to the
4.  Carve the letters "ZAWA" on the candle.
5.  Light the candle.
6.  Read aloud the 41st, 42nd, and 43rd Psalms.
7.  Pray for the desired outcome after reading each Psalm.
8.  Concentrate on the desired outcome.
9.  Repeat 6 through 8 two more times.
10. Repeat for three days

To help release one from imprisonment

1.  Obtain a purple candle
2.  Anoint the top of the candle with olive oil and rub it downward to the
    middle of the candle.
3.  Anoint the bottom of the candle with the oil and rub it upwards to the
4.  Carve the letters "IHVH" on the candle.
5.  Light the candle.
6.  Read aloud the 71st Psalm.
7.  Pray for the desired outcome.
8.  Concentrate on the desired outcome.

For help in court cases

1.  Obtain a purple candle
2.  Anoint the top of the candle with olive oil and rub it downward to the
    middle of the candle.
3.  Anoint the bottom of the candle with the oil and rub it upwards to the
4.  Carve the letters "IHVH" on the candle.
5.  Light the candle.
6.  Read aloud the 93rd Psalm.
7.  Pray for the desired outcome.
8.  Concentrate on the desired outcome.

To gain favor in court cases

1.  Obtain a purple candle
2.  Anoint the top of the candle with olive oil and rub it downward to the
    middle of the candle.
3.  Anoint the bottom of the candle with the oil and rub it upwards to the
4.  Carve the letters "LAMED" on the candle.
5.  Light the candle.
6.  Read aloud the 119th Psalm, verses 89-96.
7.  Pray for the desired outcome.
8.  Concentrate on the desired outcome.

To gain favor in court

1.  Obtain a purple candle
2.  Anoint the top of the candle with olive oil and rub it downward to the
    middle of the candle.
3.  Anoint the bottom of the candle with the oil and rub it upwards to the
4.  Carve the letters "IHVH" on the candle.
5.  Light the candle.
6.  Read aloud the 120th Psalm.
7.  Pray for the desired outcome.
8.  Concentrate on the desired outcome.

To gain favor when approaching a person of authority

1.  Obtain a purple candle
2.  Anoint the top of the candle with olive oil and rub it downward to the
    middle of the candle.
3.  Anoint the bottom of the candle with the oil and rub it upwards to the
4.  Carve the letters "IHVH" on the candle.
5.  Light the candle.
6.  Read aloud the 122nd Psalm.
7.  Pray for the desired outcome.
8.  Concentrate on the desired outcome.

*** Each candle can only be used for one particular purpose.
    One must prepare a new candle for each ritual.


Some of our number after having found it quite difficult to contact other
members took a new approach to astral projection.  Astral conferencing became
the spiritual counterpart to AT&T's Alliance Teleconference.  Members would
arrange to meet at a given time and would relay any necessary information
during these sessions.  This type of communication was made the standard due to
its legality, its speed, and the impossibility of interception by federal

To attempt this type of psychic travel, it is advised that the seeker look
elsewhere for instruction on building his or her own psychic powers, and slowly
moving upwards to the complexities of travel on the Astral Plane.  One must
learn to stand before learning how to run.


Some members have taken their interests to the extreme.  There was talk some
years ago about blood offerings to obtain knowledge in dealing with the TRW
credit system.  This was a complete failure which was done with out knowledge
by others in the order.  It is written in Isaiah:

    1:11 "I am full of the burnt offerings of rams, and the fat of
          fed beasts; and I delight not in the blood of bullocks,
          or of lambs, or of he goats."
    66:3 "He that killeth an ox is as if he slew a man"

Those who committed the above offering suffered greatly for their deed, for
such is an abomination before the Lord.  It is wise to learn from their

Other members have attempted such obscure measures as psychic data corruption,
ala Uri Geller.  These attempts saw little success, and left those attempting
the feats psychically exhausted and drained for nearly a week.

Other members have attempted to thwart enemies such as the Secret Service, the
FBI, journalists such as Richard Sandza, and individuals such as John Maxfield
though magical means.  When the outcome desired was weak, the results were
high, but when a member actually tried to bring about the demise of a Southern
Bell Security official, the power of the spell reversed and the member was soon
placed under surveillance by the Secret Service, nearly causing disaster for
the entire group, and completely dissolving the power of the order.

One may find that once such power is somewhat mastered, it is easy to take
shortcuts and thereby miss safety precautions.  One must never forget to take
these precautions, for disaster looms at every junction.

The three members linked to the above incident had become well versed in the
magical system of Abra-Melin the Mage.  The spell which turned should never
have been used in the first place.  The spell was designed to stop a person's
heart and could only be carried out with the help of the evil spirit Belzebub.
The Symbol

           L E B H A H
           E M A U S A

was used, yet the full precautions to protect the invoker from the spirit were
ignored, and Belzebud ran free to affect whatever he saw fit to affect.  They
had seen prior success in this system using a symbol to obtain knowledge of
things past and future and were able to obtain a great deal of information from
various  computer systems.  However, that particular spell is invoked by the
Angels, and little precaution need be taken in that instance.  That Symbol:

           M I L O N
           I R A G O
           L A M A L
           O G A R I
           N O L I M


One particular evening of Ouija ended with a DNIC and a plea to halt the
operation of the system.  When members connected to this system they were
shocked to find that it was a UNIX belonging to the Ministry of Treasury in the
Republic of South Africa.  The system was networked to a number of other
government systems.  Several standard defaults were still unprotected, and root
was gained in a matter of minutes.  A debate ensued over whether or not to
disrupt the system in protest of Apartheid, but the system was left unscathed
on the premise that to cause malicious damage would only make things worse.


Once the doors to ancient knowledge have been opened, the knowledge found
within is immense and incredibly powerful.  Do not fear experimentation and
exploration, but be mindful of the existence of God and the spirits, and
respect their power.  Use whatever means necessary to achieve desired goals,
but at no times cause harm to any other person, and do nothing out of
aggression.  Whatever degree of energy is sent forth will come back, if one
sends out positive energy, positive energy will flow back; the converse of this
is equally valid.  Diversify one's interests, develop the mind, seek out hidden
and suppressed knowledge, and experience the beauty of the true nature of

Frater Perdurabo Deo Duce Comite Ferro
Inner Order of LOD


                                ==Diet Phrack==

                Volume Three, Issue Thirty-six, File 7 of 11

                  @                                       @
                  @  Searching for SpeciAl accesS agentS  @
                  @                                       @
                  @             by: Dr. Dude              @
                  @                                       @

     This is a true story of how United States Secret Service Agent Tim Foley
discovered three of his freinds and later recruted them as speciAl accesS
agentS into the hacker world.  After seeing how well his recruits performed,
Tim Foley recruted Barbera Spinelli (AT&T Security) and Toni Ames (a/k/a Pink
Death of Pacific Northwest Security) and Dale Drew (a/k/a The Dictator) as
speciAl accesS agentS for the purpose of undermining the computer underground.
After this little incident Toni was nicknamed "Pink Death."

     Our story is narrated by Pink Death!

@@@@@@@  Toni Ames              plays:  herself
The      Dale Drew              plays:  YOU'LL SEE!
Players  Tim Foley              plays:  with himself
@@@@@@@  Barbera Spinelli       plays:  with everyone

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

   I was  reading a  story in  an adult  magazine about  this girl that was
   eaten out and fucked by a German Shepherd dog.  Now to some of you, this
   probably sounds gross.  However, I was turned on by the story and wanted
   to read more stories like it.  Well I never found any.  While I am  sure
   that there is  a mag out  there that has  lots of stories  like it, just
   haven't found it yet.

   Anyway, one day I was talking to my  friend Barbera Spinelli and brought
   the subject up.  Barbera Spinelli  had never  read such  a story before.
   Since we were at my house, I got the  magazine out and let  her read it.
   She  didn't get as turned on as  I did, but said that  she would like to
   watch someone get licked  and fucked by a dog.  I told  Barbera Spinelli
   the story  made  me very  very  horney.  Barbera Spinelli said  that she
   doubted that  she could get horney  enough to  do it with  an animal.  I
   told her that it made me very horney  and that I didn't think I could do
   it, but I  did want to read  about other  people doing it  with animals.

   Well, that subject was dropped, we continued to talk about other  things
   while drinking wine.   After two bottles  we got very  tipsy and started
   talking about sex.   The next thing  we knew, we  were naked and  in the
   pool, having a great time.  Well, I have had sex with women before,  but
   never with  Barbera Spinelli.  I didn't know how she  felt about  making
   love to women, and never asked.  Well I noticed her staring at my 38-26-
   36 body.  I got out of the pool and posed.  I said, "What do you think"?
   She said that I had a  great body and a  nice pair of tits.  I spread my
   legs  and opened up my pussy with my fingers showing Barbera Spinelli my
   pink inner lips and now extended clit.  Squeezing my  erect clit while I
   shoved  two fingers  up my soaking cunt I  told Barbera Spinelli I would
   like  to do it with her.   With that, I jumped into the pool grabbed her
   head and shoved it  between my tits as I probed  her tight cunt with  my
   fingers  and said,  well if you  like them  so much  why don't  you suck
   them.  I  was ready  for her to protest, but  instead she said okay, and
   sucked  my tits gently as I continued to ream her tight pussy.  She said
   to me, I have wanted you for the longest time but didn't think you would
   want to make  love with me.

   We dried off and went into my bedroom I had Barbera Spinelli lie back on
   my bed and crawled up between her  legs and began to suck her stiff pink
   nipples  as I massaged her  hot  slippery  slit.   In no time  I had her
   moaning with  pleasure and moved down  to her sweet tasting cunt probing
   her tight pink  hole  with my  tongue.  Barbera Spinelli  quickly  had a
   strong climax and flooded  my mouth with  her sweet  juices.  I  got off
   her and  went to  my dresser  getting out two of  my favorite toys, a 12
   inch vibrator and a long  thin anal probe.   Barbera Spinelli gasped  at
   the  sight of  me armed  with  my toys  and begged me  to fuck  her with
   them.  I  moved back to  Barbera Spinelli  and straddled  her  face as I
   massaged her  firm young tits.  Giving  Barbera Spinelli  the anal probe
   I instructed her to  fuck my asshole while  she ate my pussy.   I slowly
   lowered my  soaking  snatch to her  lips and tongue  as Barbera Spinelli
   pushed  the long dildo firmly up my taught asshole.  The feeling of that
   long  shaft  penetrating  my  ass  made  me  quiver as  Barbera Spinelli
   repeatedly  thrust her long tongue up my cunt  and licked and sucked  my
   clit.  We had  hardly begun when I  had my  first orgasm wetting Barbera
   Spinelli's  face with  my thick pussy juice.  Barbera Spinelli begged me
   to fuck her cunt  with  the  vibrator and  I bent  willingly to  my work
   spreading her  swollen  cunt  lips and  probing her  tight twat with the
   vibrator as I licked her  swollen distended clit  and fingered her tight
   little  anus.   Barbera Spinelli  came  long  and hard  as she continued
   her  assault on  my pussy  and  anus  reaming my  cunt with  her fingers
   as she  licked my  clit and pounded the probe up my anus  bringing me to
   on one orgasm after another.

   In our lust we had not noticed Tim Foley my  lover come  in, the first I
   knew of his presence was when  Barbera Spinelli  squealed and I felt her
   fingers withdraw from my steaming twat only to be replaced by Tim Foleys
   two inches  of hard thick cock.  Looking back I saw the familiar look of
   lust in my lovers face as he  reamed my pussy  with his  tiny thin prick
   and rammed the  anal probe  in  and out of  my  well lubricated asshole.
   Barbera Spinelli  resumed  her assault  on my swollen  clit and I on her
   twitching cunt and asshole.   In no time I  felt Tim Foley's  thick load
   shoot up my cunt as he pounded out  his passion.  I came quickly  as did
   Barbera Spinelli licking  up her juices as she swallowed the overflow of
   my lovers sperm  from my cunt  and clit. At last I thought our secret is
   out, Tim Foley and I had been fucking for  about a year and I had always
   wanted to have him and  a woman together.   Barbera Spinelli was begging
   for Tim Foley's  stiff cock  and I  had her get up in the doggy position
   as Tim Foley licked her tight puckered anus and slowly inserted the anal
   probe up her twitching rectum.   I sucked his still stiff cock  into  my
   mouth  and  rammed  it deep  in  my  throat  until  it grew  to enormous
   proportions. Barbera Spinelli in the meantime had renewed her assault on
   my cunt clit and anus forcing the rampaging vibrator up my steaming slit
   as  she licked my hard clit and finger fucked my juicy asshole.  Sensing
   Barbera Spinelli's  need  I  pulled  Tim Foley's  prick  from  my  mouth
   and pushed the head into Barbera Spinelli's pink pussy.  Tim Foley  took
   it from there  and rammed his hard  cock  deep into her twitching vagina
   until his balls slapped her cunt lips.  I continued to suck and lick her
   clit  until Barbera Spinelli  had two  orgasms  and Tim Foley filled her
   tight slit  with gallons of cum.  The sight of his sticky sperm dripping
   from her slit made me climax again and I licked her cum slickened snatch
   until I had sucked down all of my lovers sweet cream.

   Barbera Spinelli and I  moved to a  side by side  position and continued
   to tongue fuck each others cunts as Tim Foley sat an rested watching our
   pleasure. In no time his cock was renewed and he began to finger Barbera
   Spinelli's  tight back  door.  Seeing  his lust  for my  friends asshole
   and having denied this pleasure to him in our private sessions I decided
   to let Tim Foley fuck  me in the ass.  I called him over and told him to
   fuck my butt while Barbera Spinelli ate my pussy. Tim Foley was overcome
   with desire as  he moved in behind  me  and gently spread  my ass cheeks
   lowering  his  face between  the cheeks of  my ass and  probing my tight
   asshole with his tongue.  I begged him to ream my anus with his big dick
   and he had Barbera Spinelli guide his rock like cock up my asshole while
   he pounded me to orgasm.  I continued to  lick Barbera Spinelli and made
   her cum just as Tim Foley shot  his load up my ass.  The feeling  of his
   hot sperm filling my  anus made me climax  and nearly pass out.   When I
   regained my senses I  could feel Barbera  Spinelli's tongue  swirling in
   and out of my anus as she collected his sperm from my asshole. Tim Foley
   was great and  he had moved  to Barbera Spinelli's asshole and  begun to
   lick her  tight pink  puckered asshole as I tongue  fucked her hot cunt.
   I could tell Tim Foley  was ready again and  heard Barbera Spinelli  beg
   him  to ram  his big  thick dick up her ass. Tim Foley got into position
   and I  guided his  throbbing  meet  up her  sweet  tight little  asshole
   watching  as  Tim Foley pressed it  into her until only his  balls  were
   visible.   I  continued  my  tongue  fucking of her cunt and licking her
   clit  as I felt  her convulse time and time again in sweet orgasm.  Soon
   I to climaxed from her  tongue and fingering of my cunt and anus and Tim
   Foley came filling  her tight butt with his sperm which I  gladly licked
   up.   Tim Foley was  happy  but  drained  and  left us  to continue  our
   games.  All in all  we made love for  three hours.  When she  left to go
   home,  she invited me  over the next  day  to  "Play  around some more".

   Saturday afternoon I went over to Barbera Spinelli's house to play.  She
   invited me in. She was wearing a black leather mini, black blouse, black
   fish net stockings and garters, and high heels. She was hot.  I was also
   wearing a mini, I also  had on a halter top, and  heels. She  told me to
   get on my knees and  look under her shirt.   What I saw was a beautiful,
   clean shaven cunt.  I reached  up to touch her but she stopped me.   She
   said that I would first have to touch  my own shaved cunt.  She said she
   would  shave  me  like she  did herself  this morning.  We  went to  the
   bathroom and she undressed  me.  What  I great  sensation it was to have
   her shave.  When she was done she cleaned me off, grabbed me by the hand
   and led  me to her room.  She told  me to lay on  the bed  and play with
   my new cunt.

   As I laid there, I began to  rub my cunt, what a feeling.  I  went wild.
   It felt so good.  No pubic hair, just skin, sensitive skin.  She watched
   me as she  got undressed.  She  got into the  bed with me  and moved her
   cunt to where I could eat her.  She was, and still is, so sweet tasting.
   As I ate her she played with my cunt, sticking in a finger then  rubbing
   my clit.  She would stop  as I got to excited.   I ate her and she  came
   twice, yet she wouldn't let me cum.  She then got up and left the  room.
   She came back with some nylon straps and said that if I wanted to cum  I
   would have to let her  tie me to the bed.   She said she would not  hurt
   me.  I agreed.

   She tied my  wrists and ankles  to the bed  so that I  was spread eagle.
   She then got out a vibrator and began to work on my sensitive clit.  The
   vibrator made me so horney, but she  would not leave it on my clit  long
   enough to make me cum.  I tried to thrust my hips to meet the dong,  but
   to no avail.  She would then stick the dildo in and slowly pull it  out,
   then repeat the treatment on my  clit.  I was begging to cum.   She bent
   between my legs and tasted my juice hole and said that I was wet  enough
   to get my SURPRISE.  Again she left the room.  When she returned she was
   followed by my SURPRISE.   It was her Great  Dane, Dale Drew!  She asked
   how horney was I and I knew what she meant.  I shook my head yes.

   She patted the bed and Dale Drew jumped up.  She then took the dogs nose
   and stuck  it between my legs.  I must have  been twice  as wet  by now.
   The dog knew exactly what to do.  He began  to lick my hole.  I couldn't
   stand it and I came twice, right away.  This made him lick even  faster.
   I could not  believe the feeling.  There was no  strong  probing like  a
   humans tongue, just enough pressure and entry to do the job.  As the dog
   continued  to eat me  out Barbera Spinelli  unfastened me  from the bed.
   Barbera Spinelli began to play with Dale Drew's cock and I watched as it
   began to grow stiffening in her hand until it had grown to about 8inches
   in length.  Dale Drew was in  a frenzy by now and his hot wet tongue was
   lapping hard and fast on my exposed cunt. Dale Drew's cock was long,thin
   and stiff as a board as Barbera Spinelli continued to massage it and his
   balls.  Barbera Spinelli said that she thought the  dog's cock  was hard
   enough to  start.  She grabbed a couple of small pillows and placed them
   under my ass.  Then guided the Dale Drew on top of me. His face was next
   to mine, I could feel his hot breath on my face.  His hairy body resting
   on my  stomach.  Barbera Spinelli  put her hand on  his cock  and gently
   guided it  toward  my fuck hole.   As soon as the  dog felt  my wetness,
   nature took  over.  He fucked me fast and very deep.  I  came again, and
   again.  Then I felt him tense and squirt inside me.   He slipped out and
   shot some cum  on my stomach.  Dale Drew then reversed  his position and
   began to lap my cunt again with his long wide tongue.  With Dale Drew in
   this  position I could  see his long  thin cock still  exposed and still
   fairly stiff.  Not wanting the experience to end I reached up  and began
   to  massage his  cock and balls.  The  dog  responded  at once and began
   to fuck my  hand as he licked my hot pussy to  another orgasm.  I  asked
   Barbera Spinelli to help me and rolled over on my stomach  spreading  my
   legs and ass cheeks making my anus open and available to Dale Drewes wet
   tongue. Seeing my waiting asshole Dale Drew began to lick me there while
   Barbera  Spinelli  took  over  my  handwork  on her dogs  cock.  Barbera
   Spinelli  moved Dale Drew around and he mounted me doggy style and began
   to dry hump my ass.  Barbera Spinelli spread my ass further  and  guided
   Dale Drewes long thin cock into my asshole. The tightness of my ass sent
   Dale Drew in to ecstasy and he rammed his long thin dick  in  and out of
   my asshole with long fast strokes.  All I can remember is the feeling of
   his long dick probing my rectum and  driving  me to orgasm  after orgasm
   until he filled my ass with his sticky dog cum.

   As I laid there,I thanked Barbera Spinelli for what she did and told her
   that it  was great.  Since then I  have fucked her dog twice.  He is not
   always in the  mood and  sometimes  it  takes a  lot  of  hand  work  to
   get him interested. I have fucked Barbera Spinelli so many times I can't
   count them  and she I and my  lover  Tim Foley get together after school
   almost three times a week. Barbera Spinelli now says that she thinks she
   will try Dale Drew the next time he is ready.

   I can't wait.



                                ==Diet Phrack==

                 Volume Three, Issue Thirty-Six, File 8 of 11

                      :-=>|%% Phreaks in Verse II %%|<=-:

                              by Homey the Hacker

                                Get in The Ring
               [Sung to the tune of Get in The Ring by G-n-f-R]

Why do you look at me when you hate me?
Why should I look at you when you make me hate you too?
I sense a smell of retribution in the air
I don't even understand why the fuck you even care
And I don't need you jealousy
Why drag me down in your misery
And when you stare you don't think I feel it
But I'm gonna deal it back to you in spades
When I'm havin phun ya know I can't conceal it
'Cause you know you'd never cut it in my game, oh yea
And when you're talkin about our sociology
I'll be writin' down your obituary...History

You got your agents with
The Bellcore cash injections
Trumped up charges and implications
Beatin' off with your "spy" operations
Who are you to criticize our publication
Got your subtle manipulative devices
Just like you, I got my vices
I've got a thought that would be nice
I'd like to crush your head tight in my vice...PAIN!!

And that goes for all you punks in the press
That want to start shit by spreadin' lies
Instead of the things we said
That means you
Ed Schwarz at WGN Radio
Richard Sanzda
Gary Collins at Hour Magazine
Geraldo River at CBS         ** [CBS being partially owned AT&T]
What you pissed off 'cause Opra Winfrey gets more ratings that you do?
Fuck You
Suck my fuckin' dick

You be liein' to the fuckin' public
Tellin' them your doin' a such favor for society
[while crack dealers like Mayor Barry who should be tried for treason
get off with slap on the wrist. FUCK YOU!]
While they be payin thier hard earned tax dollars
Printin' lies, Startin' controversy
You want to antagonize me?
Antagonize me motherfucker
Get in the ring motherfucker
And I'll kick your bitchy little ass, punk

I don't like you, I just hate you
I'm gonna kick your ass, oh yea!

Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!!!!!!!

You may not like our integrity
We built a world out of anarchy

And in this corner weighing in at 450 lbs, Phrack Incorporated!!!!

Get in the ring!

Yea, this song is dedicated to all the Phrack fuckin' Incorporated
Fans that stuck with us through all the fucking shit
And to all those opposed...Hmm...Well

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

                                 Knight Lite*
                 *1/3 the calories of regular computer hackers.
                   [Sung the tune of The Beverly Hillbillies]

Come and and listen to my story 'bout boy named Craig.
Called "Mad-hacker", but is just pullin' your leg.
Then one day he was writin' up a Phrack.
Down came the door with a great big crack.

Foley that is, Secret Service!, FBI!

Well, now old Craig's a million in debt.
Lost his cds and his brand new 'vette.

Mitch Kapor said, "There's someplace you need to be."
So he packed up his apple and moved to DC.

Washington that is!, Lawyers!, Cash flow!

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

                                 Erik Bloodaxe
                 [Sung to the tune of the Daniel Boone theme]

Erik B was a ham...yes a big ham.
He was born with an ego that was big as mountain was he.

Erik B was ham...yes a big ham.
And he told all the ladies he was hung like a mighty oak tree.

>From the dark sun glasses he never takes off to the heal of his K-Mart shoes.
The bitchenest, horniest, drunkenest man that a hacker ever knew.

Erik B was a ham...yes a big ham.
With a mouth like a sewer and so full of manure was he.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

                               Vanilla Holliday
                         [Sung to the tune of ICE ICE]

Doc, Doc, baby! Doc, Doc, baby!


The Doc is back. King of the Phreaks, and Queen of the Hacks.
"I'll get ya laid yet!" I say with a grin.  Meanwhile my hand goes for a spin.
I'm a master cracker, a k-rad hacker, a good 'ole plain down and dirty wacker.
I'll trash your credit if you diss me.  You know why?  'Cause I'm the LOD!

Hit it Booyyyeeeeezzzz!!

Doc Doc baby!  Doc Doc Baby!

Ya, ya, go get it!

Doc Doc baby! Doc Doc Baby!

Straight to your mother's cousin's uncle's stepsister!

Get back!  It's a hack attack!  I'm the best, and that's a fact
I've been in Time, Newsweek--they all want me.  What's next?  M-TV!
I'm gone today, wasn't here tomorrow, maybe I'll get a date with Charo
Ice, yah that was me. But now I've got movie rights with LOD!

Kick it!

Doc Doc baby!  Doc Doc Baby!

Go Doc Go Doc go!

Doc Doc baby!  Doc Doc Baby!

Yahhhhhhhhhh, straight to Comsec!

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

                                  Predit0r ][
                              [The predator rap]

His name is Predat0r.  He's the editor of TAP.
He looks like Bart Simson and he's so full of crap.

Got a board call the Blitzkreig BBS.
He wishes he was nazi serving under Herman Hess.

(oh well that's all I can think of)

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

                             Been Caught Phreaking
                               c0deZ's Addiction
                  [been caught Stealing by Jane's Addiction]

Been caught phreaking, once, when I was five!
I just tried phreaking, just as simple as that
Well it's just a simple fact
When I want a call and I don't want to pay for it
I dial up a code
and I dial up a code

Hey all right! I get by!
It's mine! Mine all mine!

Yea, my girl she's one too.
She gonna get on telenet, just type in microwire
Get a NUA for me
She'll call right through the outdial
Call right throught the outdial

Hey all right! I get by!
It's mine! Mine all mine!
Get c0dez!

Sat around the terminal. Sat and laughed.
Sat around the terminal and laughed
And we did it just like that, did it just like that.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
                      [Sung to the tune of Stand by REM]

Hack in the place where you live
Now dial out
Think about telnet, wonder why you have it now
Hack in the place where you work
Now dial up
Think about tymnet, wonder why you have it
If you are real board hack with SUN
Carry a lap-top to help along

A PAD is there to move you around
If You're not careful your hands will be bound

Hack in the place where you live
Now dial out
Think about telnet, wonder why you have it now
Hack in the place where you work
Now dial up
Think about tymnet, wonder why you have it

A PAD is there to move you around
If you're not careful your hands will be bound

If accounts were trees
Trees would be falling

Listen to reason
Foley is calling
             _ _
(reapeat an (_X_) amount of times)

Now Hack!

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

                            I'M THE MAN WITH THE BOX
                          /==========================\n           [Sung to the tune of "Man in the Box" by Alice in Chains]

I'm the man with the box
Burried in my (ESS7) switch!!!
Won't you come and save me, save me?

Feed me lies, where are all your trunks?
(Bellcore) deny your maker
He who tries will be wasted
Feed me lies, now you've shut your trunks!

I'm the dog who phreaks
Can't shove my tones in a switch
Won't you come and save me?

Feed me lies, where are all your trunks?
Bellcore, deny your maker
He who tries will be wasted
Feed me lies, now you've shut your trunks!

Feed my lies, where are all your trunks?
Bellcore, deny your maker
He who tries will be wasted
Feed me lies, now you've shut your trunks!

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

                       Keep on Hackin in the Free World
     [Sung to the tune of Keep on Rockin in the Free World by Neil Young]

There's CERT on the sceen
Trying to get a clue
Hackers typin on thier screen
Phreaks with boxes that are blue
There's a warning sign in CUD ahead
There's a lot of people sayin
We'd be better of dead
Don't feel like Satan
But we are to them
So I try to forget it anyway I can

Keep on hackin in the free world (4x)

I see a phreak in night
With some trash in his hand
There's an old CO
With a garbage can
Now he takes the trash away
And he's gonna learn a lot
Goes home to hack some more
And he's not gonna a stop

Keep on hackin in the free world (4x)

Got a thousand points of light
On our modems, man
Got a brand new Lexicon in my hand
He found department stores
with carbon paper
Got Crimson Death & Dispater
They say Phrack is back
Gonna keep hope alive
Got codes to crack
Got dumpsters to dive

Keep on hackin in the free world (4x)

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

                                 FADE TO HACK
                                /============\n                               by Erik Bloodaxe

              [Sung to the tune of "Fade to Black" by Metallica]

Accounts just seem to fade away
Losing access every day
Getting lost within some shell
I have lost the will to hack
No more passwords left to crack
There are no more nets for me
I need virtual reality

Nets arent what they used to be
Someone's always logging me
Access Barred, this cant be real
No more packets left to steal
Now they've installed public key
And they're using Secure ID
Security awareness taking dawn
I was root, but now root's gone

Rerouted my call to save myself, but it's too late
Now I can't think, think why I should even try

Yesterday seems as though it never existed
The SS greet me warm, now I will just say goodbye


                                ==Diet Phrack==

                 Volume Three, Issue Thirty-Six, File 9 of 11

 /---------------------------------------------------------------------------\n |                                THE MEN FROM                               |
 |                        M   M OOOOO N   N GGGGG OOOOO                      |
 |                        MM MM O   O NN  N G     O   O                      |
 |                        M M M O   O N N N G  GG O   O                      |
 |                        M   M O   O N  NN G   G O   O                      |
 |                        M   M OOOOO N   N GGGGG OOOOO                      |
 |                                                                           |
 |                               -*- present -*-                             |
 |                                                                           |
 |                             +-----------------+                           |
 |                             | Real Cyberpunks |                           |
 |                             +-----------------+                           |
 |                                                                           |
 |    9/24/91                                                                |
 |                                                                           |
 |    With all this shit in the news and now a book about cyberpunks, we have|
 |a bunch of lame assholes who think they are cyberpunks running around      |
 |blackening the name.  In response to this we'd created this g-file so      |
 |everybody can tell the lamers from the real cyberpunks.  Most of these     |
 |wanna-be cyberpunks will probably be offended by what we're going to say,  |
 |because the description of what defines a real cyberpunk doesn't apply to  |
 |them.  Remember though, cyberpunk is mostly an attitude (this g-file       |
 |describes physical manifestations of this attitude), and real cyberpunks   |
 |don't get upset over something written in a g-file.                        |


     - Real cyberpunks don't wear paisley, or any of that other neo-
       futuristic, yuppie, artfag shit.

     - Real cyberpunks wear military surplus clothing, non-neon colored
       Gortex, bluejeans, boots (combat or motorycle), Factsheet-5 T-Shirts,
       and kilts (on formal occasions).

     - Real cyberpunks don't shop at Banana Republic or the "Mainframe"
       clothing section at Sears.

     - Real cyberpunks have the balls to go to Thrift Shops.
       Corollary to the above: Anyone who makes fun of a cyberpunk shopping at
       a thrift shop usually winds up in ICU.


     - Real cyberpunks don't use IBM PCs or Tandy 1000s.

     - Real cyberpunks that have the $$$ use 486s, and 68030s.

     - Real cyberpunks that don't have the $$$ use whatever the hell they can
       get ahold of (except IBM PCs an Tandy 1000s).

     - All real Cyberpunks still own a TI-99/4A, S-100, Apple ][ w/Apple Cat,
       or an Atari 130XE with ATR8000 & 850 interfaces as their backup

     - Real cyberpunks program in assembler and ADA.

     - Real cyberpunks think C is cute for a fuck-around language.

     - Real cyberpunks think of the Amiga as a cute toy.

     - Real cyberpunk SYSOPS run Stonehenge.

     - Real cyberpunks realize the Apple Cat was the best modem ever made.


     - Real cyberpunks drive whatever they can afford.

     - Real cyberpunks never drive an unmodified vehicle.

     - Real cyberpunks think Audi, BMW, and Mercedes cars serve best as rocket
       launcher targets.

     - Real cyberpunks who can afford them drive something with a V-8.
       Corollary to the above: Real cyberpunks go to every police auction
       in their area.


     - All real cyberpunks have their ham license.

     - Real cyberpunks know the difference between a resistor and a capacitor.

     - Real cyberpunks know where to get tech cheap in their area.
       Corollary to the above: Real cyberpunks practically live at their local
       surplus store.

     - Real cyberpunks think Radio Shack sucks, but still buy from there
       because it's convenient.
       Corollary to the above: Real cyberpunks put pragmatism before

     - Real cyberpunks always carry a Leatherman Tool.
       Corollary to the above: Real cyberpunks know what a Leatherman Tool is.

     - Real cyberpunks own a dual-band HT.
       Corollary to the above: Real cyberpunks know what a dual-band HT is.
       Corollary to the corollary: Real cyberpunks have hosed McDonalds at
       least once.

     - Real cyberpunks know how use a TDR.
       Corollary to the above: The have also managed to get ahold of one for

                                POLITICS & LAW

     - Real cyberpunks are politically aware, but avoid getting involved in
       that bullshit.

     - Real cyberpunks think all politicians should be castrated.
       Corollary to the above: Real cyberpunks are libertarians.

     - Real cyberpunks have copies of their state's law statues.

     - Real cyberpunks know the difference between the Declaration of
       Independence and The Constitution.
       Corollary to the above: Real cyberpunks know what both of those say.

     - Real cyberpunks don't get caught.


     - Real cyberpunks read 2600, Factsheet-5, Full Disclosure, Iron Feather
       Journal, Cybertek, Radio Electronics, Circuit Cellar Ink, Computer
       Shopper, American Survival Guide, and any 'zines about local bands in
       their area.
       Corollary to the above: Real cyberpunks understand what they read in
       these publications.

     - Real cyberpunks think Mondo2000, for the most part, sucks.

     - Real cyberpunks learn about everything from Computers to Crossbows.

     - Real cyberpunks know how to spell.

     - Real cyberpunks speak at least 2 languages.


     - Real cyberpunks don't have the typical yuppie artfag fear of weapons
       that most modem users seem to have.
       Corollary to the above: Real cyberpunks know the value of useful

     - Real cyberpunks own at least one gun.

     - Real cyberpunks carry Gerber, Cold Steel, SOG, AlMar, or Spyderco
       Corollary to the above: Real cyberpunks think custom steel is neat, but
       costs too much.

     - Real cyberpunks have memorized The Improvised Munitions Black Book.

     - Real cyberpunks know The Anarchist Cookbook is a crock of shit.

     - Real cyberpunks buy everything authored by Seymour Lecker and Kurt

     - Real cyberpunks keep a supply of DMSO handy.
       Corollary to the above: Real cyberpunks know what DMSO is.


     - Real cyberpunks go to The Mentors' concerts whenever they can.

     - Real cyberpunks think C&C Music Factory is just a bunch of out-of-the-
       closet homosexuals.

     - Real cyberpunks don't listen to Paula Abdul.

     - Real cyberpunks think Michael Jackson should be napalmed.
       Corollary to the above: Real cyberpunks think Michael Jackson is a
       reincarnate of his monkey Bubbles.

     - Real cyberpunks think Top-40 sucks.

     - Real cyberpunks listen to Ministry, The Cure, Skinny Puppy, The
       Misfits, Rush, Pink Floyd, etc.

     - In the end, real cyberpunks listen to whatever the fuck they want.

                              PHREAKING & HACKING

     - Real cyberpunks think codes are for fags, but use them anyway because
       they put pragmatism before principle.

     - Real cyberpunks know what TEMPEST means.

     - Real cyberpunks use data-taps.

     - Real cyberpunks have Internet access.

     - Real cyberpunks know why Broadway Hacker invited everyone to his house.

     - Real cyberpunks know what PPS really means.

     - Real cyberpunks know Clifford Stoll's ex-wife is a lesbian.
       Corollary to the above: Real cyberpunks know that Clifford Stoll is an

     - Real cyberpunks know just how good friends John Maxfield and Broadway
       Hacker are.

     - Real cyberpunks know who John Maxfield is and what he was arrested for.

     - Real cyberpunks own a blue box, and still use it.
       Corollary to the above: Real cyberpunks know what a blue box is, and
       know how to use it.

     - Real cyberpunks know what a TS-21 is.
       Corollary to the above: Real cyberpunks stole their TS-21.

     - Real cyberpunks have acquired a Bell System hard-hat.

     - Real cyberpunks have a payphone.
       Corollary to the above: The payphone belongs to someone else.

     - Real cyberpunks on the east coast have attended at least one 2600
       Corollary to the above: Real cyberpunks who have attended a 2600
       meeting don't go to them anymore.
       Corollary to the corollary: Real cyberpunks are waiting for another
       OSUNY meeting.
       Further corollary: Real cyberpunks know what OSUNY originally stood


     - Real cyberpunks use Choline, Ginseng, and Golden Seal.
       Corollary to the above: Real cyberpunks know what these are.

     - Real cyberpunks know about the medicinal value of various plants.

     - Real cyberpunks take care of themselves.

     - Real cyberpunks take time away from fucking with their computers to get
       some exercise.

                                 FOOD & DRINK

     - Real cyberpunks drink Jolt.
       Corollary to the above: Real cyberpunks think Pepsi is for artfags.

     - Real cyberpunks are intimately familiar with the selection at 7 -
       Eleven, but avoid it whenever possible.

     - Real cyberpunks know how to cook.

     - Real cyberpunks drink Guinness Stout.

     - Real cyberpunks who are under 21 distill their own.

     - Real cyberpunks can go to a Supermarket and not get lost.

     That's it for now, but since lamers are always finding mew ways to become
lame, expect a Real Cyberpunks Vol. II soon.

                                       Yours truly,
                                       The Men From Mongo, 9/24/91
                                       :OSUNY, TCO, PPS, SPS, PHALCO


                                ==Diet Phrack==

                 Volume Three, Issue Thirty-Six, File 10 of 11

               |                                               |
               |                ^*^ ^*^ ^*^ ^*^                |
               |                                               |
               |              *Elite* World News               |
               |                                               |
               |            Issue 36 / Part 1 of 2             |
               |                                               |
               |   Compiled, Edited, and Mangled by Dr. Dude   |
               |                                               |
               |                ^*^ ^*^ ^*^ ^*^                |

Special Thanks:  Twisted Pair

     Just as geeks with computers annoy hackers and phreaks, geeks with "ham"
sets annoy those of us that diddle with electronics.  To prove my point just go
to ANY "Ham-Fest."  See the guy walking around with the headset walkie-talkie
that looks like he shaved about 4 days ago, grossly overweight, dressed in the
ugliest clothing, and is just simply nerdier than hell?  Being involved with
electronics we are constantly irritated by these losers.  We urge everyone out

     Anyway, what follows is a true story:

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

     Our story is basically about a guy named Jim.  Jim liked to watch a
particular TV show when he got home from work everyday like a lot of people do.
Lately, Jim's TV reception on all channels was being ripped up by an unknown
interference signal.  Being disgusted with the TV picture, ol' Jim said, "Fuck
it."  He decided to listen to the radio for awhile, but, GOD DAMNIT there was
interference there, too.  By this time Jim is really very upset.  The
interference would come in spurts, loudly interrupting whatever show was on at
the time with a loud, distorted, unintelligible voice.

     Jim began to wise up quickly after being subjected to watching snowy
pictures, flipping pictures, and listening to someone's raspy, annoying
distortion on his TV.  He figured out that his neighbor down the street (we'll
just call him Ham) had a big antenna sticking up beside his house.  Jim noticed
that the interference was always present when Ham's 4x4 truck, with KC lights,
and tractor tires was at home.  Jim went over to talk to Ham.  Ham said his
"antenner" was his "binnus."   What ever Ham wanted to do with it was his
"damned binuss."  After the door was slammed in Jim's face, Jim decided to do
some research.

     Jim spoke to some of his other neighbors about the problem.  What a
surprise.  Turns out they ALL had the interference.  The interference area was
at least 4 blocks in every direction.  The neighbors decided that they would
go have a chat.  So, 6 people from all parts of the neighborhood went go see
Ham for a friendly visit.  Ham reluctantly opened the door and immediately
started cussing about it being his "antenner," his "Ham gear," his
"ampluhfieers," and he would operate them as he damned well pleased!  He also
DARED anyone to stop him from broadcasting in the neighborhood.

     Jim, now beyond pissed off, contacted the FCC regional office in Chicago.
They helped him fill out a formal complaint.  The FCC, usually slow to act on
such complaints, gave Jim a lucky break.  The FCC just happened to have a
senior inspection official who would be in Jim's area the next week. Jim
couldn't wait!  On the fateful day of the FCC's visit, they came armed to the
teeth with all kinds of state-of-the-art-neato things.  The FCC guys showed up
in a white van with windows tinted black.  There were no markings on this van,
except for multiple antennas of all types sitting on top of the van (how very
unobtrusive and sneaky are they).  The inspectors first met with Jim to look at
his bad reception to confirm that Ham was transmitting.  Then they took Jim out
to the van to show him how they check out such complaints.  The van was LOADED.
The FCC guys had spectrum analyzers, custom-made multi-frequency receivers that
covered all bands, they had signal strength meters, they had equipment
controlled by a PC.  They also had a PC linked via radio to somewhere.  On it
they could look up information on ANY ham license, broadcast license, suspected
pirate station, or check personal records of known offenders.

     The FCC's equipment confirmed that Ham was broadcasting shortwave with WAY
too much power.  Their power meter was pegged on its highest scale, damaging
it (oops!).  Well, the FCC inspector was pretty hot about that.  In fact, he
was really pissed.  He drove the van up to Ham's house, slamming on the brakes
with screech.  Ham bolted to the door.  The FCC guys showed their ID and asked
Ham to come on outside and look at the stored readings they had made earlier on
Ham's signal.  Ham refused at first, but finally came outside.

     Ham swore a few too many times and pissed off the FCC inspectors even
more.  Ham told them he didn't believe their readings, and would just do as he
pleased.  He went back into the house and locked the door.  Jim wasn't happy
either.  After using their cellular phone to call for police backup, the senior
FCC inspector told his partner to cover the back door.

     The police arrived with lights on and sirens blaring.  The FCC guy
INSISTED that HE get to kick Ham's door in.  The police obliged.  After a short
struggle with Ham, he was tossed onto the front yard and cuffed.  The
inspectors confiscated a whole room full of Ham gear, 3 transmitters, Ham logs,
big homemade linear amplifiers, etc.  Not wanting to climb Ham's tower to get
at his antenna, the FCC just CUT OFF Ham's antenna cable about 15 feet up.
How cute!  The WHOLE cable would have to be replaced if Ham was ever to
broadcast again.

     Ham's gear was permanently confiscated, his license revoked for life, and
certainly appeared as though he was embarrassed by the scene in his yard.  The
end?  Not!

     Just one month later Jim started noticing interference patterns on his TV
set and radio again.  Daily the problem grew worse.  This time he could hear
tones mixed in with the crackly, distorted voice.  After a week of this
was back at it again.  Jim checked it out.  He saw that Ham's truck was,
indeed, in the driveway every time the distortion was present.  Ham WAS back
at it again.  Jim assured everyone who called that he WOULD take care of the
problem once and for all.  After watching the evening news program break apart
several times (always during the most important parts), Jim got good and mad.
It was getting dark, so Jim decided to do a little tower climbing!

     Jim wore black clothing so he wouldn't be seen by Ham.  While getting
ready to scale Ham's tower, Jim noticed that Ham had installed brand-new
antenna cable.  A light was on in the basement window which was directly in
front of the base of the tower.  Jim peered into the window.  He noticed that
each time Ham talked into his microphone, a red light came on that could be
faintly seen from outside.  Jim jumped onto the base of the tower, being
careful that Ham couldn't see his feet out his basement window.  On the way up
the tower, Jim looked down to watch the red light which went on whenever Ham
was transmitting.

     Jim came prepared for the job.  He had two things in his pocket;  a long,
sharp hatpin and a roll of black electrical tape.  After climbing about 15 feet
up the tower, Jim once again looked down to see if Ham's red light was on.  It
was off.  Jim worked fast.  He took out the hat pin and inserted it crossways
straight THROUGH Ham's new antenna cable.  The hatpin would short out the
cable's grounded shield with the live center conductor in the cable.  He made
sure it was pushed in all the way.  Jim quickly grabbed the electrical tape and
carefully wrapped it around the cable to cover up the pin, making it
unnoticeable.  Then he climbed down a little ways and decided to jump the rest
of the way down.

     Just as he landed on the ground the sparks FLEW!  He saw a BRIGHT red
flash of light as Ham keyed on his transmitter.  There were a couple of loud
pops as loud as gunfire.  Lying on the ground, Jim saw the smoke and flames
rolling out of Ham's transmitter and amplifier.  Ham was JOLTED out of his
chair with ice cubes flying out of the drink he was holding.  Ham's circuit
breaker must have tripped, too because his entire HOUSE went dark after
about 5 seconds.

     Ham never was able to find the problem with his antenna system.  He must
have given up because the interference stopped!

DEMON COMPUTER KILLS TWO WORKERS!                            November 12, 1991
by Sally O'Day (Weekly World News)

      "Exorcist Called In After Experts Discover Virus-bred Evil Spirit!"

     Bank officials have summoned an exorcist to rid a computer terminal of a
hideous horned demon that <has> already killed two employees and put another in
a coma!

     And if Father Hector Diaz fails in his mission to banish the spirit,
authorities say they will have to shut down the bank because the computer can't
be turned off, moved, or unplugged.  And as long as it remains in place, every
customer and employee is in danger.

     "This sounds like something out of a sci-fi movie, but the threat is both
serious and real," Police Detective Raul Lopez told reporters.  "I don't know
why and I don't know how.  But an evil force or spirit is living in that
machine and the death of two innocent people proves it."

     Maria Catalan was found sitting at her terminal with her head in her lap."
Carmen de la Fuente had a fatal heart attack within two minutes of sitting
down to work.

     Computer experts tired to examine the terminal, but they had no success
whatsoever.  One of them started babbling like a madman when he got within 10
feet of the machine and a dozen more were flung to the floor like rag dolls by
some unseen force.

     "We can't turn the machine off because everyone who tries blacks out and
falls to the floor.  I know I must sound like a lunatic, but that computer
truly has a mind -- and a life -- of its own."

     The mind-numbing drama began when the bank in Valapariso, Chile, installed
a new computer system last spring.  Within days the system turned deadly.

     When a bank custodian told of seeing a hideous horned demon appear on the
computer screen, bank officials asked Father Diaz to perform an exorcism.
The priest has been unavailable for comment while he prepares the rite of

     But a spokesman for the firm that installed the computer system says that
a computer virus almost certainly created the conditions which caused the
terminal to kill.

by Dr. Dude

AQUARIUS (JAN 21-FEB 19)  You have an inventive mind and are great at
engineering people.  You frequently abuse c0dez and spend a great deal of time
hacking voice mail box systems.  (Night Ranger)

PISCES (FEB 21-MAR 20) You have a very vivid imagination and often think you
are being followed by the FBI and the CIA.  You also feel as though you need to
join as many "groups" as possible.  Pisces write a lot of "How Break Into/Steal
Fortresses" files.  (Lex Luthor)

ARIES (MAR 21-APR 21) You are a pioneer and an innovator.  You hold most people
in contempt.  You are quick tempered, impatient, and scornful of everyone.  No
one can ever hope to be as El1te as you are.  Most Aries aren't actually
hackers, because they spend too much time pestering other hackers and trying to
destroy the computer underground than actually hacking into systems.  All aries
will grow up to work for the Secret Service.  All Aries try to join MOD.
(Dictator, Dan the Operator, Corrupt)

TAURUS (APR 21-MAY 21) You are practical and persistent.  You hack like hell
and never get credit for anything.  Most people think you are racist.  You like
to write files about "Running Over Things With a 4x4" and "Making Drugs."  You
are goddamn redneck hacker.  (Taran King)

GEMINI (MAY 22-JUNE 21) You are a quick and intelligent thinker.  People like
you because you are bisexual.  However, you are inclined to expect too much for
too little.  This is why all Geminis are leeches.  Geminis belong to at least
10 boards at a time and are on the endless quest for El1teness.

CANCER (JUNE 22-JULY 23) You are very compassionate and overly trusting and
never do any dark side hacking.  This makes you the perfect fool.  Cancers
write virii in LOGO and Blue Box from their home phones.  Cancers think that
Tim Foley is a misunderstood man.

LEO (JULY 24-AUG 23) You consider yourself a born leader, while others consider
you loud and pushy.  This is why all Leos are power hungry and therefore a lot
of Leos are sysops.  Most Leos talk big and then do nothing. Leos are also into
starting "groups."  (Ninja Master)

VIRGO (AUG 24-SEPT 23) You are the logical type and hate disorder.  That's why
you spend more time collecting text files and news related to hacking than
actually doing any hacking or phreaking.  (Crimson Death, Knight Lightning)

LIBRA (SEPT 24-OCT 23) You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with
reality.  You brag about your library of porno GIF's and have close ties with
Amiga pirate groups.  You also tend to be fairly talkative, thus making you a
great informant for the Secret Service.  (Dispater, Erik Bloodaxe, Tuc)

SCORPIO (OCT 24-NOV 22) You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted.  You
will achieve the pinnacle of success due to your complete lack of morals and
ethics.  All Scorpios are into crashing BBS.  You are a perfect son of a bitch.
(The Disk Jockey)

SAGITTARIUS (NOV 23-DEC 21) You are overly optimistic and enthusiastic. You
have a reckless tendency to rely on luck since you lack any real talent.  A
typical Sagittarian move is to drag home 10 bags of trash from the local telco
to discover the only thing they got out of the ordeal was a car that smells
like coffee for the next 3 weeks.  (Aristotle, Predat0r)

CAPRICORN (DEC 22-JAN 20) You are overly conservative and afraid of taking
risks.  You would be afraid of redboxing from a downtown Los Angeles at
lunchtime.  You think that copying pirated software will lead the FBI to you
front doorstep the next day.  You are a puss.  (Juan Valdez)


     Once again, Pat Townson admonishes a reader of comp.dcom.telecom for
having a little phun at work.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

From: Donald E. Kimberlin (comp.domp.telecom) a footnote <Digest vol10, iss637), our Moderator suggests,

> "... some children, phreaks and assorted other folks consider it quite a
> funny joke to conference two unrelated parties via three-way calling, then
>let them (the two called parties) squabble with each other while the
>perpetrator goes spastic with laughter at his little prank.   PAT]"

Well, it brings to mind three incidents that I guess can now be told:

1.) The good old "testboard," of course, had the ability to "conference in"
several parties, while the person on the testboard could cut off their own talk
path, leaving the two parties talking to each other. In an earlier, simpler DDD
network, simply dialing an area code plus 121 got the "Inward Operator." a.k.a
"Assistance" to the public's view for an entire area code. In a yet-to-be-
divulged corner of Long Lines, it was a favorite pastime to dial 809+121 (San
Juan, Puerto Rico) and 808+121 (Honolulu, Hawaii) and let two Ernestines of
the Lily Tomlin era argue about which had called which and what they were
supposed to do.  Meantime, gales of laughter could be heard around the
monitoring loudspeaker in a testroom thousands of miles from either of them!

2.) In a similar fashion, happenstance listening found an FX between two cities
that got dialed up every morning and contained a day-long dialog between two
receptionists of the same company. One was named "Rusty."  Rusty's nightly
romantic exploits in a major seaside resort city, if true, would provide years
of material for one of today's "Confessions" 900 numbers!  They were replete
with details of Rusty's specialized wardrobe and tools of her nighttime trade.
Needless to say, the day shift had a monitor speaker plugged into THAT FX
daily. (I almost swallowed my chewing gum more than once!)  After a long
period <months> of unobtrusive listening, a testboardman <whose name is yet to
be divulged> began to pop in with comments that could be heard only by Rusty
and not her audience at the other end.

Rusty would respond, leaving her private audience puzzled at who Rusty was
talking to.  That would cause the discussion to turn to suggestions of
reporting eavesdroppers on the phone.  However, no reports were ever filed when
it got around to, "But what if they ask what we were talking about?" (It would
have been hilarious, anyway, because the self-same room that was doing the
listening was the place the trouble reporting number was in ... in fact, the
self-same people!)

3.) The highest level of development of this art might be classified as an
early form of the "Talking to God" service recently purported to have emerged
in Italy.  This one was over on the 17B Board, where thousands of DDD message
trunks terminated in ports of the 4A toll switching machine.  Each evening, as
the network peaked with the 7 PM rush for cheap rates, it wasn't difficult to
find a circuit on which a couple of good old Bible-toting down south mommas
were commiserating about their physical aches and heartaches over the foibles
of their "chilluns."  When one finally asked, as they always did, for the Lord
to intervene, an obliging testboardman would plug into the four-wire transmit
toward the requester and play God on the Telephone.  Invariably, the poor dear
would literally swoon and shush the questioning other, who couldn't hear God
talking!  One can imagine the testimony of miracles next Sunday morning at the
country church!

But of course, NOBODY ever listens in on YOUR calls...why, the Company would
NEVER permit that!  Boy, I sure hope the Statute of Limitations has run out on

[Moderator's Note: I still don't think it is funny. I regard it as a major
violation of trust; and I'm sure you are aware that had the employees involved
in this little prank been caught and the subscriber's involved elected to sue,
telco would have had to pay financially and the employees involved probably
would have lost their jobs.  PAT]


1.  After the recent massive failure in New England, their fourth since January
    1990, ATT announced a new customer service number for affected customers to
    call in case of future problems: 1-900-Call-ATT.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
2.  Corrupt & MOD are Really Fat Albert & The Junk Yard Gang!
    "Habba mamba, NebbitWibbiz bebba Fabbit Abet."

    That's right! In this exclusive interview with Weird Harald (aka The Wing)
    Phrack Inc. discovers that the true identity of Corrupt is Fat Albert.
    WH is now talking.  Why?  Because the leader of the infamous New York City
    crack gang (Corrupt) threatened to post his "info" on Internet Relay Chat
    if Harald did not step up his rag wars.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
3.  The Hacker's Dictionary explains that "RTM," apart from being the login of
    a certain Cornell student, is also common shorthand for "Read The Manual,"
    as in "Don't hassle me now, did you RTM?"

    Turns out that the original expression was RTFM, like "Look, I got 20
    klingons on the screen and no warp drive.  Go RTFM."

    Now, turns out that Morris's hack is viewed as uncool because he screwed
    up the coding so a few netfolks changed his login to RTFM.

    "Ha ha only serious."  (another expression from the Hackers's Dictionary)


                                ==Diet Phrack==

                 Volume Three, Issue Thirty-Six, File 11 of 11

               |                                               |
               |                ^*^ ^*^ ^*^ ^*^                |
               |                                               |
               |              *Elite* World News               |
               |                                               |
               |            Issue 36 / Part 2 of 2             |
               |                                               |
               |   Compiled, Edited, and Mangled by Dr. Dude   |
               |                                               |
               |                ^*^ ^*^ ^*^ ^*^                |


Introducing Eric Bloodtest, Dick Holiday, PH-factor, and Bobbie Buttercupps!

     HOUSTON -- Three self-professed members of the Legion of Dudes, one of the
most notorious swingers groups to operate in the United States, said they now
want to get paid for their skills.  Along with a former X-rated film actor, the
members launched a new dating service called ComseX Dating Security that will
check out women whom male customers might be interested in dating.

     "We have been in the dating business for the last 11 years -- just holding
on to the different end of our stick," said Scott Girlchaser who said he once
used the handle Dick Holiday as a Legion of Dudes member.  The group has been
celibate since late last year, Girlchaser said.

     The start-up firm plans to offer sister penetration testing, personality
matching, and sexual training services as well as security products.  "We have
information that you can't find in Penthouse or Playboy:  We know why people
date, what motivates them, why they are curious," Girlchaser said.

     Already, the start-up has met with considerable skepticism.

     "Would I hire a gigolo to be an escort for my mother?" asked John
Kastrate, dating information administrator at Love & Holding Corporation in
Hollywood, California.  "If they stayed celibate for 5 to 10 years, I might
reconsider, but 12 to 18 months ago, they were swingers, and now they have to
prove themselves."

     "You don't hire ne'er-do-wells to come and grope at your fiance," said Tom
Smallpenis, a sexual therapist patient at General Hospital.  "The Legion of
Dudes is a known anti-monogamous group, and although it is good to see they
have a heterosexual bent, GH would not hire these people."

     ComseX already has three contracts with various men's organizations,
Girlchaser said.

     "I like their approach, and I am assuming they are legit," said Herman
Slutten, a dating consultant at HeyMan Datababe Corporation in Phoenix,
Arizona.  His firm is close to signing a contract with ComseX, Slutten said.

     Federal health enforcers have described the Legion of Dudes in reports,
indictments, search warrants, and other documents as a closely knit group of
about 15 swingers whose members sleep around, father children, skip out on
child support, participate in S&M, and break hearts by entrancing women across
the country.

     The group was founded in 1984 and has had dozens of members pass through
its ranks.  Approximately 12 former members have been infected by sexually
transmitted diseases relating to their exploits.  Three former members are now
dead and at least three others are regularly receiving treatment.  None of the
ComseX founders have ever been infected with a sexually transmitted disease.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


     Tom Smallpenis, a sexual therapist patient at General Hospital in Chicago,
says he would never hire ComseX Dating Security, a dating service launched by
three ex-members of the Legion of Dudes.  "You don't bring in an unknown
commodity and give them the keys to the bedroom," Smallpenis said.  Chris
Womanizer, one of ComseX's founders, retorted:  "We don't have the keys to
their bedroom, but I know at least four people off the top of my head that do."
ComseX said it will do a free sister penetration for GH just to prove the
dating service's sincerity, Womanizer said.  "All they have to do is sign
release forms saying they won't hit us with a palimony suit."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


     "Houston-Based ComseX Fools Consultants To Gather Sexual Information"

     HOUSTON -- Dating and escort services are supposed to know better, but at
least six firms acknowledged last week that they were conned.  The
"entertainment" providers said they were the victims of a bit of sexual
engineering by ComseX Dating Security, Inc., a dating service recently

     ComseX masqueraded as prospective bachelors and out of town businessmen
using the name of Omega Sigma Delta, a large nation-wide young men's
fraternal organization to gather information on how to prepare panty-raid
proposals and conduct sorority audits and other fraternity business techniques,
the consultants said.

     Three of ComseX's four founders are self-professed former members of the
Legion of Dudes, one of America's most notorious swingers groups, according to
health inspectors.

     "In their press release, they say, 'Our firm has taken a unique approach
to its sales strategy,'" said one consultant who requested anonymity, citing
professional embarrassment.  "Well, sexual engineering is certainly a unique
sales strategy."

     Sexual engineering is a technique commonly used by swingers to gather
favors from helpful, but unsuspecting women that may be used to penetrate other
unsuspecting females.

     "They are young kids that don't know their penis from their belly-button
about doing business, and they are trying to glean that from everybody else,"
said Itchy Crotch, director of consulting at Sister Virginity Consultants,
Inc., in Little Rock, Arkansas.

     The consultants said gathering information by posing as a prospective
customer is a common ploy, but that ComseX violated accepted business ethics by
posing as the Omega's.

     "It is a pretty significant breech of business ethics to make the
misrepresentation that they did," said Hardon Mormon, house father for the
Omega Sigma Delta's.  "They may not be swinging anymore, but they haven't
changed the way they operate."

     Mormon said his chapter had received seven or eight calls from sexual
consultants who were following up on information they had sent to "Hairy
Prostate," supposedly the Rush Chairman.


     The consultants all told Mormon the same tale:  They had been contacted by
"Prostate," who said he was preparing to conduct a sexual orientation clinic
and needed information to pitch the idea to the chapter President and alumni.
"Prostate" had asked the consultants to prepare a detailed proposal outlining
the steps of a sexual invitation, pickup lines, and other information.

     The consultants had then been instructed to send the information by
overnight mail to a Houston address that later proved to be the home of two of
ComseX's founders.  In some instances, the caller had left a telephone number
that when called was found to be a constantly busy condom company order number.

     Mormon said "Prostate" had an intimate knowledge of the fraternity's
rituals that is known only to members.  While there is no evidence that the
chapter was penetrated by outsiders, the Omegas are "battering down their
hatches," Mormon said.

     Posing as a prospective customer is not an uncommon way to gather
competitive information, said Chris Womanizer, one of ComseX's founders, who
once used the handle of Erik Bloodtest.

     "Had we not been who we are, it would be a matter of no consequence,"
Womanizer said.

     "They confirm definitely that they called some of their competitors," said
Michael Shyster, an attorney representing ComseX.  "The fact they used Omega
Sigma Delta was an error on their part, but it was the first name that popped
into their heads.  They did not infiltrate the fraternity in any way."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


     Now you too can own an official Legion of Dudes T-shirt.  This is the same
shirt that sold-out rapidly at the "UltraSex" swingers conference in San
Francisco.  Join the other proud owners such as award-winning actresses Traci
Lords and Madonna by adding this collector's item to your wardrobe.  This
professionally made, 100 percent cotton shirt is printed on both front and
back.  The front displays "Legion of Dudes Intercourse World Tour" as well as a
condom on a telephone next to a little black book.  The back displays the words
"Swinging for Jesus" as well as a substantial list of "tour stops" (women's
telephone numbers) and a quote from Dr. Ruth.  This T-shirt is sold only as a
novelty item, and is in no way attempting to glorify meaningless sex.

     Shirts are only $15.00, postage included!  Overseas add an additional
$5.00. Send check or money-order (No CODs, cash or credit cards -- even if it's
really your card :-) made payable to Eric Bloodtest.


     It must no longer go unremarked that many of the criminals who threaten
the foundation of our society are golfers.  Golfers persist in attacking our
personal, financial, and military security. Many golfers like the famous Spiro
Agnew, have been involved in bribery, extortion, and other forms of corruption.

     Some golfers have been know to hit out of bounds as a pretext for
trespassing in residential communities.  Such thing can easily turn into
incidents of spying and burglary.

     Other golfers will use the harmless-looking little white balls to inflict
injuries on bystanders, propelling the dangerous projectiles at speed in excess
of 120 miles per hour.  The danger of head injury is obvious.  Golfer's
careless disregard for the safety of other people hardens our children to
violence.  The idea that shouting a single, obscure word makes it all right to
bop some innocent person on the head with a hard projectile has brought our
society to the brink of savagery.

     It doesn't take a genius to see that avoidance of golf is a corner stone
of Soviet military strategy.  This gives the Soviets a tremendous advantage in
daytime warfare.  If the Soviets launch an attack at 3 pm EST on a weekday in
June, approximately 20% of American manpower will be uselessly deployed in
fairways, sandtraps, and rough.  Even those in bunkers will be in the wrong
kind of bunkers.  At 3 pm on a weekend, as much as 50 percent of our manpower
might be trying to avoid bogies rather than trying to shoot them down.

     If the forgoing attack on golfers seems unfair (and of course, the analogy
is not perfect), it is not any more so than the attack by the general press on
hackers of another kind -- computer hackers.  Some national publications have
used the term "hacker" incorrectly as a synonym for "criminal."  Hackers are
people who play with computers at a high technical level because they enjoy
doing so.  There are many, thousands, of hackers in North America.  A few
hackers use their computer skills for pranks, and fewer still use their skills
to commit crimes.  But chances are excellent that far more hackers are helping
to build defenses around database rather than trying to penetrate them.  Even
if one percent of hackers started trying to invade databases the problem would
be more serious than those sensationalized in the press.

     It wasn't being a golfer that got Spiro Agnew in trouble.  Just being a
hacker won't get you in trouble, either.  Hackers are entitled to the same
presumption of innocence as golfers and other common special interest groups.
Hackers also deserve the correct continued use of the authentic, distinctive,
and colorful name that they gave themselves.

PRIME SECURITY MEASURES FROM BELLCORE                         December 10, 1991

The December 10, 1991 issue of MacWeek contains an article which states that
two mathematicians have found a trapdoor in the National Institute of Standards
and Technology's proposed Digital Signature Standard.

Stuart Haber and Arjen Lenstra, both of Bellcore, have discovered a way of
choosing prime numbers for DSS which could be used to subvert the security of
the algorithm, allowing digital signatures to be forged.

Miles Smid, manager of NIST's Security Technology Group, agreed that trapdoor
prime numbers could be constructed.  He had been aware of this possibility but
apparently hoped to circumvent this problem by relying upon primes generated by
a trusted federal agency.

The article implies that there are ways of checking a prime to see if it is one
of the weak "trapdoor" primes.  However, Smid agrees that average users could
not be expected to perform this test.

Bellcore has developed an implementation of NIST-DSS that it had planned to
distribute for free.  With this recent revelation, though, Bellcore has decided
to not distribute the software.


                       Official Notice, Post Immediately

                                    X     x
                                     X   x
                                      X x
                                      x X
                                     x   X
                                    x     X

                               Dangerous Virus!

Several years ago a virus called the "X window system" escaped from Project
Athena at MIT where it was being held in isolation.  It took some time for the
full magnitude of this disaster to become known.  When confronted with the
truth, a spokesman for MIT would state only that "MIT assumes no
responsibility."  In the meantime, X had succeeded in infiltrating Digital
Equipment Corporation, where it corrupted the judgement of key technical and
management personnel in this organization.

With a foothold gained at DEC, a sinister consortium was created using X as
part of a plan to dominate and control interactive window systems.  Today, X
windows is distributed by this consortium free of charge to unsuspecting
victims.  DEC daily ships machines carrying this dreaded infestation.

X - whether it's filling your hard disk or consuming your CPU, you can be sure
it's up to no good.  Innocent users need to be protected from this dangerous
virus.  Even as you read this, the X source distribution and the executable
environment is present and being faithfully maintained on hundreds of
computers, perhaps even your own.

The destructive cost of X cannot even be guessed.

X is an example of how software with good intentions can go bad.  It victimizes
innocent users by distorting their perception of what is and what is not good
software.  This malignant window system must be destroyed.  Ultimately DEC and
MIT must be held accountable for this heinous *software crime*, brought to
justice, and made to pay for a *software cleanup*.  Until DEC and MIT answer to
these charges, they both should be assumed to be protecting dangerous software

Don't be fooled! Just say no to X.

X windows.  A mistake carried out to perfection.  X windows.  Dissatisfaction
guaranteed.  X windows.  Don't get frustrated without it.  X windows.  Even
your dog won't like it.  X windows.  Flaky and built to stay that way.  X
windows.  Complex nonsolutions to simple nonproblems.  X windows.  Flawed
beyond belief.  X windows.  Form follows malfunction.  X windows.  Garbage at
your fingertips.  X windows.  ignorance is our most important resource.  X
windows.  It could be worse, but it'll take time.  X windows.  It could happen
to you.  X windows.  Japan's secret weapon.  X windows.  Let it get in *your*
way.  X windows.  Live the nightmare.  X windows.  More than enough rope.  X
windows.  Never had it, never will.  X windows.  No hardware is safe.  X
windows.  Power tools for power fools.  X windows.  Power tools for power
losers.  X windows.  Putting new limits on productivity.  X windows.
Simplicity made complex.  X windows. The cutting edge of obsolescence.  X
windows.  The art of incompetence.  X windows.  The defacto substandard.  X
windows.  The first fully modular software disaster.  X windows.  The joke that
kills.  X windows.  The problem for your problem.  X windows.  There's got to
be a better way.  X windows.  Warn your friends about it.  X windows.  You'd
better sit down.  X windows.  You'll envy the dead.


"Wow.  Teraflops.  You must be kidding."

"No.  Our engineers pulled off magic on this one.  I don't have the specifics
right now but they claimed somewhere around 50 Teraflops per CPU."

"Fantastic.  So how about i/o?"

"They worked some magic there, too.  They claim they can jack an external
interface up into the hundreds of gigabytes, with high reliability.
Loopback only, of course.  They're having problems finding anything that can
match it to run tests."

"Great.  Looks like we'll have old Seymour by the balls on this one.  Do you
realize that we may have the fastest computer line for the next decade, even if
we don't change anything?  This is excellent news.  Do we have a test sight
selected yet?"

"Actually, we have an installed site right now.  They love the performance and
the reliability. They only have one minor complaint about the hardware."

"Really. What seems to be the problem?"


Blade UNIX v2 (

   For help, send email to

login: jux6710a

Hello, jux6710a!
Last login from at Fri Sep 27 13:30:12 CDT 1991
You have new mail.

bu2 /sci/users3/jux6710a mail
Mail version SMI 4.0 Sat Oct 13 20:32:29 PDT 1990  Type ? for help.
"/usr/spool/mail/jux6710a": 1 message 1 new
 U  1 Mon Aug 26 17:18   64/3904   You dork!
>N  1 Tue Aug 27 20:18   16/667   It is your time.
& 2
Message  2:
>From Tue Aug 27 20:18:05 1991
Return-Path: <>
Received: by (4.1/SCSO-4.1)
        id AA00359; Fri, 27 Sep 91 20:18:00 CDT
Date: Fri, 27 Sep 91 20:18:00 CDT
From: (The Machine)
Message-Id: <>
To: (Ulrich Jenson)
Subject: It is your time.
Status: R

Dear Ulrich.

This is the machine.  As you are aware, extraordinary hardware demands
extraordinary care.

You have the honor of being selected for this month's human sacrifice.  Please
put your affairs in order.  The time of the sacrifice will be Fri Sep 13 00:00
1991. Please be prompt.  Wear loose, comfortable clothing.

Do not disappoint me.

& x
bu2 /sci/users3/jux6710a man -k sacrifice
offer (2)               - notify the system of a sacrifice
offering (8)            - send a sacrifice to the hardware god
bu2 /sci/users3/jux6710a man 8 offering


     offering - send a sacrifice to the FPU

     /usr/etc/offering [ -vma ] [ weight ]

     offering informs the system that a  sacrifice  is  available
     and should be consumed. To be properly offered to the FPU, a
     conscious victim should be placed in the  provided  sacrifi-
     cial  wiring  closet at midnight during the second Friday of
     each month. Failure to provide the needed flesh will  result
     in  degraded  performance.  Repeated failures to provide the
     required resource will eventually result in a general system
     failure of hellish proportions.

     Performance will be improved if the sacrifice is  of  higher
     quality.  For example, here is a list of possible sacrifices
     in their order of increasing desirability:

          a Congressperson, chicken, goat, human male  (tainted),
          human  male  (virgin),  human  female  (tainted), human
          female (virgin), any user exceeding his/her disk quota

     Unlisted lifeforms may also be acceptable, check  with  your
     site administrator. Animals may never be surgically modified
     in anyway.

     -v   Specify that the sacrifice  is  a  virgin.  Default  is
          tainted.  If  you wish the sacrifice to be acknowledged
          as a virgin, you must specify with this option  or  the
          system will not check.

     -m   Specify that  the  sacrifice  is  a  male.  Default  is
          female.  Unlike  the  -v option, the system will always
          verify this flag. Always double  check  the  gender  of
          your human sacrifices; the system does not appreciate a

     -a   Specify an animal sacrifice. Overrides both the -v  and
          -m options. Animals should only be substituted in times
          of  drastic  emergency.  Congresspersons  may  not   be
          offered as animals.

     /var/adm/sctmp      sacrifice accounting file
     /dev/hell           interface for outgoing sacrifices
     /dev/altar          interface to closet

     offer(2), ac(8)

     It is critical to monitor the permissions to /dev/hell. They
     should be root writable only at all times.

     Should automagicly determine gender  and  virgin  status  of

     Current versions of  the  sacrificial  wiring  closet  needs
     extra sound shielding to muffle screams.

bu2 /sci/users3/jux6710a man vacation


     A sad situation fell upon us at HoHoCon '91 as we found Lord McDuff
of NIA dead in his room.  It appears after several negative confrontations with
the strippers.  He had given them them money in hopes that they would squirm
all over him, but instead they chose just to refund his money.

     McDuff fell in a deep depression and apparently shot himself in the head
with a flying disc gun.  After speaking to several people at the scene we quote
Judge Dredd of NIA, "I knew something like this would happen.  He carried that
damn gun with him all during the conference.  I knew I should have taken it
away from him."